Month: June 2020

When I was 5 years old my dad asked me what I want for Christmas and I said the number 7. It sounded like a smart alec remark coming from a kid who didn’t know what he wanted for Christmas but it was actually the end of an exasperated week of desperately trying to narrow it down to the one toy I could ask my parents to get me Knowing damn good and well they weren’t going to pick the right toy anyways. My dad recorded the conversation on a tape deck back when that was a thing you did we used to record our family game night and things like that and playing back as jokes. But the reality is that indecisiveness is the reason why I don’t have good relationships.

I’ve been trying to decide for 37 years if I want to live my life as a man or a woman and I don’t have a straight answer even to this day. My friends hate going to fast food restaurants with me because I’m the one who holds up the line I have to look at the entire menu before I decide that I’m going to get the same thing I got the last three hundred times I went because I’m always looking for something that will actually satisfy me and yet I never find it. That’s even worse at a sit-down restaurant. If I know that there’s a movie coming out that I want to see and I’m hyped for that movie I’m good to go but if there’s two movies playing that I want to see I stay home and play video games because I’m not going to be able to pick which movie to go to I don’t know if it’s fear of I’ll pick the wrong one or if it’s more why should I have to chew I want them both and if I can’t have both on I don’t want either, is that worse?

I’m a conundrum and I don’t know if I will ever be anything but. My favorite toy is Transformers but I also really like Gobots. When I was a kid I couldn’t decide which one I liked better. Whether you see it as a blessing or a curse Society made the decision for me by not promoting the GoBots line and letting Transformers live on.

I started life out down the path of becoming a Wiccan. I eventually got into the Baptist faith before growing up and joining the Catholic Church. Matters of Faith are the hardest for me because there’s so much that I want to do or want to know or want to question that I can’t get a clear-cut answer on. I started contemplating becoming a Catholic before I even settled on Baptist it took me over 20 years to decide I wasn’t happy as a Baptist and might as well give Catholicism a try and even then it took going to an Anglican Church to shake the Baptist off of me and the first time I went I was terrified of what I thought look like a Satanic ritual as I have been brainwashed to believe that. It was only after I went home and remembered that I actually used to be into witchcraft that I realized that what I saw at the Episcopal Church looks nothing like actual witch craft before I realized that I had been deceived.

The best I can come up with is I feel like a bicurious genderqueer unknown possibly trans may be bisexual individual who’s also a Catholic who identifies as a Christian who plays video games and reads comic books wants to be athletic but is too scared to commit to anything that will change the shape of my body because I am what I am. Decisions overwhelming if I had a guide if I had somebody telling me this is what you should do with your life do this life would be a whole lot easier for me but I suspect the truth is the same for most people.

I’m not like the Sheldon Cooper of the TV show Big Bang Theory I don’t have a routine I don’t wake up and have the same breakfast everyday on the right day of the week and have my set restaurant and my favorite activities or things I can really really like something one day and three weeks later have no interest in it. I went through a model train phase, break dancing hip hop DJ phase, tortured painter phase, fiction writer phase, blogger and podcaster phase, filmmaker phase, cinemaphile phase, nature photographer phase, toy collector phase, retro gamer phase, computer collector phase, CD collector and music buff phase, Nintendo Fanboy and Nintendo hater phase. It’s not like in none of these did I ever find some enjoyment it’s just I never stick with anything long enough to get good at it because I want to always try something else or I can’t decide what I actually like.

Anytime somebody asks me whether respectfully or otherwise what is my preferred gender or gender pronouns I was tell them just call me THE RAT, it’s the best I can come up with most days.

It even takes me about 45 minutes to decide what to eat for breakfast even when I only have a choice between waffles with syrup or waffles with peanut butter. By the way those are frozen waffles.

And I’m not going to be bogged down by my indecisiveness anymore I’m not going to let other people’s need to Define me Define me I don’t have a decision I don’t have an answer but if you ask me a question and I don’t have an answer right there instead of giving you a blank stare or not responding I think I’m just going to give you a I don’t know but I don’t care or let me get back to you because I’ve decided but I’m not letting people make decisions for me and that includes answering questions I don’t have an answer for. It only took me 37 years to make that decision.

When I was a kid I fell in love with the Mighty Morphin Power rangers right off the bat. Unfortunately I was one of those kids who spent most of my life pretending to be something I wasn’t in a desperate attempt to fit in. I failed. Along the way I found myself to embarrassed to bring myself to Power Rangers out of fear of being made fun of.

I have started to revisit the series in an attempt to rectify that wrong. I realized as I was watching the first season I was having as much fun as an adult watching it as I did as a kid. Oh, sure the tension of the stories was gone but in its place was a greater appreciation for the stories, the fighting and the special effects that made the show so popular.

I stopped watching, then, around the time the movie came out. I kept trying to peak in when nobody was looking up till the Zeo era but after that I gave up. Mostly because I was just too far behind to realistically catch up.

I loved the movie and how it introduced the new Ninja Powers. Even to this day I still have a strong desire to buy the Zords from the movie. I was kind of surprised to discover the third season of the show basically ignored the events of the movie, opting instead to send the Rangers on a different quest to obtain their Ninja Powers. Ultimately it worked for me so far and here I am finally in the middle of watching season 3 for the first time.

I am a little disappointed in the acting brought on by the replacement rangers. Especially the new Yellow Ranger. I don’t know if it is the dubbing, the lines or her delivery but something feels really off whenever she is talking.

Putting that aside I am a little confused at how quickly they just swept the previous Zords under the rug. I mean so far I get not having the Thunderzords, supposedly they were destroyed or powered down, but what about the giant turtle? I don’t seem to recall anything taking place that would have prevented them from calling on him. I moved past that as I realized other optional Zord armors have been ignored once replaced so I let it go.

What about the show itself? Well the story is intriguing. The mythology is greatly expanded by the time  you get to the third season. With the quest to find the new power coins and the introduction to Rito Rivolto you get a lot of background mythology that really fleshes it out. To that end the series feels like it has taken a step forward in the story-telling department.

The Zords are one of the main reasons I got into the series in the first place. As such I had to be a little critical of the new Zords. While the ones from the movie were interesting and had similarities to the previous iterations, the new Zords felt wrong in comparison. Everything about them comes across as being out of place in that universe.

The other aspect that draws fans to the show is the action. So far I am a little disappointed. I have come to terms with the Ninjor character jumping in to save the day during every battle. However I am not liking the bird creatures that replaced the putties. Oh sure it’s easy to just complain the putties were familiar but change is a part of life, you have to adjust. I did take a step back and realize the Rangers often had to call in reinforcements even during the first two seasons so I was able to look past the Ninjor character showing up all the time. I would have preferred it if they would have waited to call him in after things called for it yet it seems like he just shows up each battle and the fight is over before it even starts. Sure there were some pretty quick end battles in the earlier shows but so far not a single battle has had any tension, no defeat, no powering down not even a monster disabling one of the zords or Mega zords, just every fight they go giant, get kicked and die that fast. It’s all feeling a bit rushed. I get the feeling the creators were pushing the story by increasing the time given to the Bulk and Skull storylines which necessitated the reduction in action scenes.  But, to be fair it’s all in the name of character development which I can’t complain about too much as those characters, previously seen as a nuisance at worst, comic relief at best, have become an integral part of the plot.

All in all I have mixed feelings about the third season of the show. It does lack a lot of the nostalgia that kept me going through the first two seasons. Yet, it has replaced some of that with a sense of discovery that has been missing from the show after all these  years.

I am somewhat feeling relieved that I am able to experience these later episodes somewhat with fresh eyes as I am seeing them for the first time. However, I do feel like the show loses some of its magic without the charm of nostalgia nor the pre-adolescent eyes of wonder to gaze upon it in admiration. The truth is the show is not meant to be viewed through adult eyes, save for the fog of time which colors all things with a rosy tint. That being said I can appreciate the things the show is doing different while allowing it to exist in the world I created in my own mind.

All things considered I am enjoying my journey through the original series. I do not know if curiosity alone will drive me to explore the later seasons but I have committed to at least get through Zeo and try to relive all of the episodes I would have seen as a kid had I had the guts to do so then.

Well, remembering is probably the better word, with everything going on in the world celebrate is the wrong mood right now.

That being said I want to honor the LGBTQIA people who are out there living their lives, fighting the good fight this Pride Month. Last year was a big deal for me. It was my first Pride event and I had a blast mingling with all the people out there. It was also the start of my journey of self discovery.

Okay it wasn’t the start of my journey, that began ages ago. But it was the start of my slowly opening my private life up to the people around me.

I hid in the closet for so long I started to get used to it. I realized that after some time I would eventually have to get over the fear of rejection that kept me from moving forward. Once I realized that I was not interested in being accepted by people who weren’t willing to accept me as-is I decided it was time to just be free of that burden. I am going to live my life and if it means I die alone so be it, it’s not like I am not used to being completely alone anyways.

There are a couple of things I want to do this summer different from last year. First, since I am no longer hiding in the dusty old closet of despair I want to talk more openly about things on my show and in other parts of my life.

I also want to do my part  buy having a different pride related topic each week on the podcast.