So today I’m going to get real bare with me.
So I noticed that I don’t write about Toys comic books or even video games as much as I used to.
I’ve been on hormones for 6 months. I’ve been through a lot of changes most of the changes are physiological some of them are psychological but they’ve all been life-changing.
I’m going to talk about the psychological changes first. So some of the changes that I’ve experienced of course the most obvious one is the mood swings. My doctor said that it would be like going through a second puberty and I’ve talked to female cisgendered female friends of mine who went through the puberty when they were teenagers and they described it as hell they’re not wrong. But I’m actually having fun exploring all these new feelings even when I wake up feeling like garbage at least I know.
I’ve discovered a new type of crying it’s not a happy tear which I have experienced before and it’s not a sad tear which of course I’ve experienced before the newest tear that I find myself dripping from my eyes is what I can’t quite explain it’s like a tear of relief I think? It’s been a rare one but it does it feel good when it comes on.
Some of the psychological changes are tied to physical changes. For example my breasts are perkier than they’ve ever been my nipple areas are larger and rounder then they were before. Now I’m still overweight considerably so I have residual quote-unquote man boobs leftover but the girls are starting to come alive and that gives me confidence and my parents it also gives me other changes in my mood I’ve noticed myself being self-conscious that they’re like hanging out there and I’m not sure if I’m ready for people to notice but I’m also kind of like well I’m glad I’m at the point where I can’t hide them anymore. Not that I want to hide them 😉.
I’ve also noticed changes to my skin face and hair. Those have been manifesting themselves in the form of a happier me. Actually I’ve noticed that is my hair softens and also my skin I feel different like everything I touch feels different. I kind of understand my sister’s reactions to things that I used to question things that I don’t know behaviors I observe that made no sense to me.
I’ll give an example. I used to only wash my hands when you know after using the bathroom or whatever and I wash my face usually you know whenever I was taking a shower but not much more than that. And now I find myself well compelled I’ll say to take better care of my skin so I am using skincare products on my face and hands in particular. And it’s a experience I’m enjoying.
I’ll give another example when it comes to touch especially. I bought a Care Bear and it’s so soft it’s super soft I find myself wanting to cuddle with or Pet that Care Bear as much if not more than my own living breathing. I find myself really drawn to the softness of its touch now I’ve had Care Bears before I’ve had teddy bears before and it was more like yeah that felt soft whatever but now it’s like I can feel it differently.
It’s also noticeable when I’m playing with my Transformers and yes I play with the toys that I collect I’m not ashamed of that I open them up play with them as they were intended to be and I have fun. Well I have noticed that I find myself I don’t want to say this in a sexual manner but I’ll say stroking or even I guess rubbing my hands on my toys and ways I’ve never done before.
Overall I can say that I’m having a great time exploring my New Sensations as my body changes. And I have so much more to learn and so much more to share.
Now I won’t get into the specifics regarding the changes involved in the private areas but I will say I’m satisfied with the results thus far.
As I get to know Stephanie and get to know what it means to be her and share her with the world finding myself in a much better mood all the way around more often than I used to. That’s not to say I don’t still have the same demons I’ve always had the same hopes and fears I’ve always had in the same troubles I’ve always had but at least now I can feel things differently I can see things differently and I can enjoy things differently than.
Another will say I don’t want to use the word side effects but another manifestation of my changing self is my interests are changing. The TV shows I want to watch, the movies that I want to experience, the toys that I want to buy or the activities I want to try the hobbies that I want to try are changing. I’m even finding myself listening to different types of music that I used to.
I’ll give some examples. I’ve always been more drawn to horror movies and Sci-Fi movies doesn’t matter if it’s comedy or action or whatever if it’s in those two categories I’m in. I’ve always enjoyed a good comedy and I hate to fall into the stereotype but I’m also exploring more musicals and chick flicks if you will romantic comedies in particular although I’ve always enjoyed romantic comedies to a lesser extent I am finding myself enjoying them more and in a different way to. And my aversion to the Twilight Saga let’s just say it’s morphed into more of a overwhelming curiosity so I may end up watching those movies in the near future we’ll see.
I’m also starting to notice that the YouTube videos I watch is changing. Obviously I am watching videos by other trans women who share their experiences I’ve been watching a lot of voice feminization videos tips on how to dress like a trans woman and other vlog type videos where trans women share their experiences so I kind of can know what to expect.
All I’m going to say now is everything is changing and it’s absolutely wonderful everything is amazing and fantastic and fabulous and I’ve never felt that before in my entire life. I also understand the use of the word fabulous now it’s not just an adjective. There’s an actual emotion I think that goes with it. I can’t describe it but I think I know what it feels like.
I still enjoyed collecting action figures and reading comic books and playing video games but those interests are changing as well and I have to admit I’ve actually had more fun putting on a dress turning up the Spotify playlist and doing the dishes then I find myself enjoying other activities I used to find enjoyable. And I absolutely love cooking more than ever. Stay cool.
So today I’m going to get real bare with me.