Tag: Stephanie Bri

Changes coming to the channel and a new podcast in the works

This isn’t going to be easy. Ever since I first came out as trans, then walked it back to gender queer, I have been feeling an overwhelming urge to be more open on my channel. I created a character, the Retro Witch, to give me an opportunity to speak my mind as Stephanie without transitioning publicly fully at this time.

In the spirit of keeping my sanity I have turned the YouTube channel over to Stephanie. She will handle it from here on out. We will continue to operate as separate voices in that she will get the YouTube channel and I will, as the rat, continue to operate the Dark Web Podcast, for the time being. At some point in the near future I do plan on starting up a new podcast for the Retro Witch but it will be completely different from what I do currently. I don’t want to spoil what is coming just yet.

I haven’t actually sat down and had the hard conversations with everyone in my family yet. What I have done is admitted I was addicted to cross dressing and that I was looking into ways to find balance in my life. As such I decided to make some major changes in the way I do content.

I already wrote a post from the perspective of the Retro Witch. I created that separate account as a way to speak my mind as Stephanie while keeping generic content under my main account, THE RAT, because frankly more people know me as the rat than as Stephanie. But I am building a brand. The Retro Witch will eventually replace the rat as Stephanie takes over my life.

Because I cannot keep doing forever fighting who I really am I decided the best balance is to give the entire channel over to Stephanie. What that means is I will be returning to doing the same 5 day a week content as before, 5 for 5 on Monday and Tuesday, This or That on Wednesday, What’s Streaming on Thursdays and a weekly vlog on Fridays. The difference is I am not doing everything as Stephanie dressed as the retro witch. In time as I become her fully this old voice will slowly fade into a distant memory.

However, as my public life does necessitate I maintain a public image for the time being The Rat will live on in some form for a while longer.

I can’t say for sure that I will ever fully transition into Stephanie. What I have said all along as I will be her when I get to be and I will be THE RAT when I need to be. I have learned I need to be Stephanie more than I ever realized before. IN fact, if I could change my name and be her full time tomorrow I probably would. There is nothing keeping me tied to this old life other than a few loose ends I can’t shake due to a comfortable life I am not ready to turn upside down quite yet.

Stephanie will do the main videos for the site. She will host the above mentioned shows as well as a possible revival of the Dark Web TV rebranded as the Retro With Show or something similar. I am still working out the details. I hate having to exist as two separate persons fighting for control of the same life. Maybe someday I will find peace. Or I will let this crazy war wage on until it tears us in two. Either way this is my current outlet and nothing is going to stop me from being true to who I have always been regardless of how honest I was about it in the past.

 

New column on the way!

Stephanie Bri is here to stay. As a result I fully intend to write a column entirely from her perspective in the near future. Obviously I’ve been letting her voice take over more lately which has been very helpful in getting me aligned properly.

It won’t mean much but what I will do is create a column just for Stephanie. It will be a combination of gaming and nerdy topic gossip, rumors and such with a mix of editorial and some fashion/cosplay advice. Basically the bitch is out of the closet and she’s going to be taking over this site. Stay Cool.

Retropalooza is next weekend: Thoughts, hopes and expectations!

Alright friends I am excited to say that next weekend I will be heading to Arlington Event Center to attend my first ever convention. I am looking forward to attending Retropalooza. I am not sure what to expect because this is my first convention but I wanted to outline my hopes ahead of time to compare this to how the actual experience turns out. This way I can see if I had realistic expectations or not.

1. Food

I am expecting this to be like any other flea market or festival I have attended which means there should be food vendors selling home made stuff right out of the food truck. I am not sure if this is a realistic expectation as I have never been to one but I am hopeful this is the case. I would love to get some street tacos made fresh on the spot.

2. Toys and games

Specifically I am thinking the vendors or sellers. I am fairly certain there will be some video game sellers. I am hopeful there will also be retro toy sellers. Specifically I am looking to dig through a big bucket or tote of random Transformers, TMNT, and GI Joe action figures, all reasonably priced I would imagine.

I am not sure what to expect but I would think there would be a sufficient variety of sellers to choose from. As for video games I have my hope list narrow down to what I will buy from a convention. Since it is a retro gaming expo I am not going to buy anything new. The newest device I would consider is a PSP because I have an overwhelming desire to get one eventually and now is as good of a time as any.

I would contemplate a Dreamcast, 3DO. 32X or Virtual Boy as those are harder to find in the wild. I thought about a Sega Saturn but that’s a pipe dream so I will lower my expectations.

3. Autographs?

I am not sure I want to buy an autograph of anyone who is attending but I might try to grab a selfie with Boogie or Wood if I can. But the real reason I am going is to have fun, meet people and maybe do some networking. I am also planning on filming some footage for a video and naturally a podcast.

4. Cosplay!

I am not sure if this is the type of convention that people normally cosplay to but if so I already have a costume purchased and ready to go. It will be my first public outing in drag as Stephanie so I am really looking forward to that. If I arrive and nobody is cosplaying then I will either feel like a fool or suck it up and stand out. Either way I am looking forward to dressing up even if nobody gets to see the costume live on scene.

5. Road trip

No matter how the day turns out it will at the very least be a nice little road trip and those are always fun. I can always use a good excuse to eat some jerky. I am not looking forward to fighting the city traffic but it’s a small price to pay for a day of fun.

That’s about all I have for now. I am hoping this experience is memorable and I can’t wait to share how it turns out. Stay Cool.

Retropalooza is now two weeks away

I am two weeks away from attending my first ever convention. This year I will be going to Retropalooza, a retro video game convention held in Alrington, Texas. I chose this one to be my first because it was the easiest one to get to considering I am about an hour away from Arlington.

I decided since this will be my first convention I would double it as an opportunity to do my first cosplay. Since that is the case I will be going both as THERAT and Stephanie to this thing. I am not sure what it will be like walking around in public for the first time dressed as a woman but I am excited for it. I am trying to build up anticipation so that I don’t chicken out.

Gearing up for the trip I have set up an interview with a YouTuber who is known as a Transgender gamer. She will be making an appearance on my podcast to talk about being trans and a geek, plus gamer stuff and other topics. I am so looking forward to this much needed vacation. Stay Cool.

Displaying painted nails in public, a personal breakthrough

I will keep this short and sweet. Saturday afternoon I drove to town on three different occasions wearing flip flops without socks. This isn’t a particularly out of the ordinary thing for me, except I had previously painted my toe nails purple and decided I wasn’t hiding it anymore.

It was a little awkward walking around town displaying my painted toes. I tried to hide them by curling my toes everywhere but by the time I got to the third store I had stopped doing this. I decided I wasn’t looking at other people’s feet, why would they be looking at mine? Well that was how I got through it. I even walked over to my sisters house that same day still displaying my painted nails. It was a small breakthrough for me. Consider it a minor victory for Stephanie Bri. Stay Cool.