Hank wasn’t the brightest bulb in the bunch but he knew one thing well, that man was hiding something in that cabin. He was bound to prove it. Hank was wandering around the general store picking up survival gear. He would often head out into the woods for days at a time in full camo living off the land. It gave him a sense of satisfaction living off the grid.
His head was so full of wild conspiracy theories and anti-government thoughts, he could survive in the wilderness for days and nobody would be able to find him. If he couldn’t get the sheriff to take a look out there he was just going to have to do it himself.
Hank hadn’t always been a survivalist. He used to be an accountant for a tax firm many years ago. His wife left him for another man when he was much younger, took the kids with him. Hank liked to drink even back then. He never thought he had a problem but apparently she did because she took the kids and blamed the booze.
Hank thought it was a government conspiracy. He told himself his family had been placed in the witness protection program because he knew too much. He convinced himself they were killed in a covert mission and he was going to get back at the government someday. While he wasn’t going to make much progress in that today, he figured the least he could do is solve the mystery of that strange man who lived by himself out there with just a dog and a goldfish to keep him company.
“Man lives by himself, no wife, no kids you can’t tell me he ain’t up to no good. Hell, look at me I got no wife, no kids live by myself and here I am, up to no good. Police don’t do shit because they work for the man. I don’t work for no man. No sir. I don’t fool, I, he don’t fool, me, he ain’t fooling anybody.”
Hank was picking items up off the shelf seemingly randomly. He was fiddling with a pickax and talking to himself.
“That man, he sure as hell is up to no good or else my name ain’t well name ain’t important, the government know who I am. No damn body else needs to bloody know shit. Ain’t that right, gubernor, yes sir, well, no I is too an American yes I am. Shut up. Than man he is up to no good.”
The other shoppers were just shaking their heads and rolling their eyes as crazy Hank wandered up and down the aisle picking out the items he needed talking to himself. He picked out some rope, a couple of road flares, a bag of jerky and some white gardening gloves.
“How’s it going today Hank, you doing some more of that Big Foot hunting?” the store clerk asked as he pushed his cart to the counter.
“Laugh all you want Billy, this is a covert operation on a strictly need to no basis. You don’t know shit so you need to shut up. Thanks,” Hank said.
The clerk just rang up his items shaking his head.
“Hey man, so I got this coupon for 99 cents off, is it still good?” Hank asked as he handed the man clipping from an old newspaper.
“Hank this says expires in 1972. And it’s 99 cents off a car wash. Would you get out of here with that.”
“Oh Billy just give him the discount and take his coupon,” a voice said over the intercom.
“Thank you kind sir,” Hank said as he saluted then placed his hand over his heart.
“You hear that, God said to honor my coupon. Also, I get a veterans discount. My family is in the witness protection program. Killed by special ops. CIA. You didn’t hear that from me.”
The clerk just shook his head and gave Hank an additional 10 percent discount to placate him.
Hank packed his items into his backpack and began his trek up the hill into the woods to try and solve himself a mystery.