I don’t seek the approval of others. Contrary to how I am often perceived due to my diplomatic, at times, nature I come across as one who bends over backwards for others. This, in reality, is far from the truth. Rather I am one who goes out of my way to be myself and generally speaking gives little care to what others think of me.
This is how I learned to survive. Yes, I have had to blend in with my surroundings as that is human nature. The outcast doesn’t get very far in life. So I have had to navigate social circles I wasn’t invested in to achieve my own goals. I set out to understand the needs of my peers, exchanged whatever it was they required to form bonds, and received that which I was after before severing ties as needed with those I had nothing in common with.
At times this comes off as selfish or cold. Perhaps it is to an extent. But survival is inherently selfish in nature. The lion doesn’t ask its prey politely can I chew on your neck if I give your kids a toy to play with? No the lion grabs a weaker animal and chows down, for it’s own survival. Likewise the prey with antlers doesn’t ask the lion for permission to slice said lions throat with it’s sharp head-weapons. It does so for it’s own survival. Humans are a part of nature. We are animals. Those who transcend the laws of nature are only fooling themselves. This is a big part of who I am. I am a survivor. I sometimes have to eat meat. I sometimes have to cut the attackers throat. I sometimes have to push a toxic person away from me and I sometimes have to swallow my pride to let someone make decisions for me while I bide my time. All of these are survival skills I learned over the years.
This is not just an LGBT trait or even a trait of the minority in a land. It is how we all survive. The strongest humans form societies that others flock to for protection. Those who don’t blend into those cultural constructs are forced to find their own spaces. Sometimes they have to be stealth. Pretending to be something or like something for the sake of getting ahead.
What is the point? Listen, I don’t always tell people what they want to hear so if you have an expectation I will only say things you like, be prepared to be sorely disappointed. I don’t go out of my way to harm others, in fact I often find myself in the role of protector even though I am not always equipped to do so. My point is if I say something that offends you or you can’t comprehend, let it go and move on. I don’t worry about what other people think. I am absolutely going to wear those who block me as a badge of honor. It tells me I spoke my mind unhindered and those who couldn’t handle what I had to say withdrew from me. I have done the same and expect nothing less than such.
If you offend me welcome to ban town, where I can move on with my life unscathed. This is not to say I don’t care about people, I do, but in the broadest sense I care about individuals, not the group as a whole. I care about my friends, family and those who can’t take care of themselves. I care about nature, which includes animals the rocks and the elements.
I care about this planet. I try to be respectful to the thing that gives me life and a home. I care not for those who don’t see me as valid or who justify harming others, including nature. If you harm the water, I care nothing for you. If you harm the sky, I care nothing for you, if you harm the trees around you, I care nothing for you.
You don’t have to justify yourself because you won’t win my approval. And that’s the key. I don’t want your approval. I sure as hell wouldn’t expect you to want mine. Unless you are someone I care about or are some I am close to, your opinions, regardless of how vile they may be, hold no power over my life.
Stephanie Bri 