When I was in first grade I remember reading a book where the main character was female and it was written from first person perspective so you the reader we’re reading the book as if you were her and every time somebody reference the character that you were experiencing a book as with feminine pronouns I giggled inside. I was only seven years old and I knew in my mind it felt right to be considered a girl not a boy I couldn’t tell anyone because I didn’t have the words or I didn’t understand it.
I almost started publicly transitioning when I was 11. I was watching one of those daytime talk shows you you know Maury or Sally Jesse one of those and they had a bunch of transgender kids on there well they were calling them transvestites I guess back then and I saw that and I thought to myself that’s it that’s me that’s what I want to be and I figured it out at 11 years old. So I started exploring I took a bunch of clothes girl clothes out of the laundry room snuck into my bedroom and tried things on the instant I slipped a pair of pink panties on I knew I was right that felt more right than anything I have ever done I was only 11 years old and I knew I was a girl not a boy.
I used to sit in my room isolated alone with no friends I would open my bible and I would read the part where Jesus said ask me anything and I’ll give you whatever you want and I would close the book and I would pray with tears pouring down my cheeks God can I please be a girl God please make me a girl. It hurts so much even though I felt betrayed I felt like why would he make me a boy when he knew I should have been a girl they keep telling me God doesn’t make mistakes but that means he chose to make me wrong? Right I thought.
Well needless to say my dad and I love my dad so don’t take this the wrong way but he walked into my room when I was sleeping and discovered I was wearing a girl’s bra. He assumed one of my sisters did it to me as a prank I had three sisters so he went and yelled at them for it. There was a lot of confusion in my house that day as he was telling my sister’s how wrong that was he was threatening them. He didn’t want his son thinking he was a girl. I remember sitting outside the window of our trailer house listening to my parents fight over their son wearing girls clothes and I remember both of them I remember the conversation they were both concerned they wanted to get me therapy because they wanted me to be normal.
Hearing that my parents thought I was broken devastated me so I went into hiding I became stealth but I also became very aggressive and angry and defensive if anyone went into my bedroom I would blow up at them throw things at them scream at them even threatens them because I didn’t want people to go into my room and find all my girl clothes I was hiding in my closet or under my bed. I was terrified of being found out but I couldn’t stop literally from that night on until today to this very day I have worn women’s clothes to bed usually the nightgown and some underwear but occasionally I would you know where other things just because I could do it any other time I had to be Stephanie I had to be me and I would go to school all day long hating my life hating myself cuz I had to hide.
I couldn’t go to my parents and say Mom Dad you’re wrong I am a girl please let me be one. Because listening to what they said. Them tell me I couldn’t have a Rainbow Brite because that was a girl’s toy hearing them tell me to watch Ninja Turtles and He-Man because those are boys cartoons or dad trying to force me to play sports and me just rebelling because I hated playing with other boys.
Then there was the time my grandma came to town and she wanted to hang out with me and so she bought me a movie on VHS she asked me what movie I wanted and I picked up mrs. Doubtfire. It was obvious to me I needed to watch a movie where a man could dress up like a girl I needed to see that I needed to know why somebody else would consider doing that. My dad did not like that movie and he hated that I picked it out and so he made me get rid of it he made me take it back to the video store and told me I couldn’t have it. He brought home Lethal Weapon instead and had me sit down with him and watch that movie that opened up with a naked girl naked breast hanging out. My dad the ultra-conservative who couldn’t even watch PG-13 movies wanted me to sit there with him and watch Lethal Weapon I don’t know if it was just because of bonding experience or if he was trying to get me to see naked tits.
I know that there were a lot of things like that. There was also that time in third grade when one of my classmates who was the boy came to school dressed like a girl for Halloween and I asked my parents if it was okay if I did that because I wanted to be a witch and they said no. I turned the witch costume into a wizard costume and that was the best I could get.
All three of my sisters knew that they were Girls when they were born they were constantly told they were girls they felt like girls and they were allowed to act like girls. I was told the only reason why I thought I was a girl I wanted to be a girl or tried to act like a girl is because I had sisters. But I have a lot of friends and met a lot of people over the years who were the only so-called boy and a house for the girls and I met a lot of people who were trans who had no brothers or sisters and
I realized over the years but that didn’t shape me at all.
I knew in my mind and my heart that I should have been a girl as young as seven years old but I may have had it figure it out or had questioned it earlier than that.
The more people I talk to who are trans and the people I talked to her just queer who like to cross-dress & the straight guys I talk to you for like to cross-dress and then drag queens that I talk to you like to cross-dress I can assure you there’s a difference between a cross dresser and a tranny. It might not being politically correct to self-identify as tranny or say that word fuck it I know what I am I’m a transgender woman and I should have been treated like a girl when I was a kid.
and I know if my parents had allowed me to be who I was there would have saved me a lot of heartache over the years. And I know it would have saved me a lot of pain a lot of questioning things a lot of the mistakes I made trying to cover it up or hide it or figure out how to get there on my own and it wouldn’t have forced me to live alone I wouldn’t have been forced to live isolated and not have friends and and not learn how to associate or socialize with kids when I was being developed when I should have learned how to socialize with kids instead I had to disassociate and distance myself from kids because I wasn’t allowed to Mimi I wasn’t allowed to be who God Made Me for whatever reason chose to make me different and so I suffered mostly in silence.
But that’s it if your kid tells you they’re trans they’re fucking trans end of story. Help them figure it out and if they’re wrong if they are confused don’t be afraid to ask questions but let them figure it out and just support them because you’re only going to make it worse you’re only going to make their life more difficult than it has to be and if you’re concerned with how people are going to treat trans kids don’t tell people their trainer move to a different School change their name change their gender change their identity and let them live their authentic selves and don’t cry don’t succeed don’t try to force them into a box that’s going to make them depressed and hate themselves and live in isolated lonely life resentful and hating everything around them and hating everyone around them because they couldn’t be themselves.
You don’t question it if your cisgender kidsembrace the gender assigned them at birth don’t question it if you’re transgender kid questions theirs just support them. PERIOD!
Stephanie Bri 