There are a lot of different experiences I witnessed my sisters and their girlfriends share I was left out of having. Things like slumber parties, dress up, group dancing and pierced ears.
I grew up in the 90s at a time when it was becoming increasingly more acceptable for males to have pierced ears but there were a number of societal rules on how they must be worn. I am not one to conform to societal rules all that much. In fact I consider myself pretty much a rebel by nature. That’s not to say the desire to pierce my ears wasn’t always there. I just never really cared for doing it the way other people expected me to. I was also somewhat turned off by the prospect of pain. I am kind of a sissy if you want to use an archaic word. This shouldn’t be a shock. I am trans after all.
The experience itself began like any other. I started the day going to town to pay my car payment then I drove over to the dollar store to grab a few necessities. From there I spent some time walking around Target doing some shopping for makeup, clothes and other things to help me fight off my gender dysphoria.
Once I completed my rounds of the feminine side of the store I made my way over to the toy aisle as I often do. This time I failed to find anything I needed in my life so I left the store and went straightway to Claire’s to get my ears pierced.
Now I had previously been warned against going there but due to budgetary reasons I ignored those warnings.
I walked into Claire’s promptly as the clerk opened the door. I went straight to the desk and made my request. I asked to see their starter kits.
After weighing all the options I decided to spend a little bit more to get the black diamond a friend suggested. Then I sat down in the chair waiting for the clerk to punch a hole in my earlobe.
The euphoria I felt immediately upon completion is a feeling I have very little experience with. Before she handed me the bag with my starter kit inside a smile had crept up on my mask-covered face. From there I have basically worn that same smile to this moment right here and probably beyond.
I have only had a handful of moments where a burst of emotions of pure positive energy overwhelmed me. The most notable was the day I was hired for my first job at a broadcast TV station. I think I jumped into the air so high I nearly hit my head on the ceiling. This was a feeling I can’t describe other than pure joy.
It wasn’t just the notion I could finally buy cuter earrings to match my outfits, and mood, more closely than the handful of clip-ons I currently possessed. It was also a shared experience nearly every woman I have ever met has had. It was a moment of true bliss. There was also the benefit of having a permanent solution that would reduce the discomfort those said clip ons caused. I was getting to the point where the pain was becoming unbearable. Yet here I am already five days removed from the hole punch and I still feel practically nothing. They are just there. A reminder that my gender dysphoria is slowly melting away. Being replaced by a feeling of belonging.
I was so excited to show off my new earrings I immediately snapped a photo. It was at that moment I discovered the smile that was plastered on my face wasn’t going away. I drove home giddy as a school girl the entire ride. I don’t want to sound cliche and say oh it was the greatest experience of my life. But it was certainly a moment I will never forget. On top of that I think I might now be capable of putting my previous fear behind me of needles and get me that tattoo I have always wanted, but dreaded getting. Only time will tell if that comes to pass. In the meantime I am going to enjoy trying different types of earrings going forward.
Stephanie Bri 