Chapter 27
It was her destiny. Her life had been plotted even before she was born. When she was just a girl her dream was to grow up and travel the world. When she was a teenager she thought that she would go to college, and become a businesswoman. After all she studied real hard and always put work before play. Saying that life had treated her unfairly was an understatement. She barely remembered anything about her life before the incident. All she could piece together were fragments. When she heard rumors that a man had come to visit her, it made her heart ache.
Ashley was in a very delicate state of mind, she had only pieces of her memories to hold her together. Most of what she remembered was the night she murdered her husband. She knew it was justified; it had to be otherwise she would not have done it. She couldn’t remember why she did it, in fact she didn’t even remember much before being brought here. She knew she killed him; those images were very vivid in her mind. She couldn’t piece together why it had to happen, she just sort of felt like it was necessary.
Her doctors would come in, give her a shot and talk to her. All the while she would sit and doodle on a piece of paper. It was all she knew to keep it together. She didn’t quite understand the significance of it but she kept drawing the same picture over and over. It was a goldfish swimming in a plastic bag. It was the kind you win at a carnival. Ashley didn’t even remember ever going to a carnival; she had no idea why this image was engraved in her mind. It was all she thought about when she wasn’t reliving the terrible moment of ending the life of the man she thought she was in love with.
When she heard rumors that a man had come to visit her it made her heart ache. She never loved anyone like she loved her husband, and he was now dead by her own hands. The thought of knowing she was responsible for taking a life of a loved one was overwhelming for her. It made her sick to her stomach to think about it. She would suppress the images by picking up another piece of paper and making another drawing of that damn goldfish.
What the hell was so damn special about a goldfish? She never even owned any fish as far as she could remember. It was the strangest thing. She knew they never had any pets, her kids were allergic. Kids, she thought to herself, did I have kids? She had only vague memories of her life before the incident.
What little she did remember was mostly fuzzy images from her very early childhood. She could not for the life of her remember ever having a stupid goldfish. What was it that made her so obsessed with that image?
There was a knock at her door. Is it time again? Why don’t they leave me alone? A young woman doctor came into the room. She was accompanied by a pair of security guards. They were large, burly men surely there was no need for them to be present; she was such a petite woman she couldn’t possibly pose any danger to them.
No! I killed my husband. I took a human life. I am dangerous, I must be otherwise what am I even doing here? The two men stood beside the doctor who pulled out her chart, looked Stephanie over and then sat down beside her.
“Hello there Ashley, how are we feeling today?” the doctor said.
She didn’t respond.
“I have to check some of your signs and then I need to give you some medication, is that alright with you?”
She sat there starring at the drawing she had completed.
What was she doing here? I want you to go away. Did I just say that out loud? No, what is wrong with me why can’t I speak did I lose my voice? Am I mute? Did I suffer any physical damage during the, oh God did he fight back? The doctor ran the usual tests, stabbed a needle into her arm and proceeded to write down something on her charts.
It was the same old routine, they would enter the room, give her a speech about what progress she was making, give her a shot and then the two men would leave and it would be just the two of them, Ashley and the Doctor.
Who was this doctor anyways? Why won’t she answer my questions? Damn, I know she can’t read minds. Hey doc, why can’t I talk!? Please God what is wrong with me, why can’t I remember anything? What happened to my children, wait did I have children? What kind of a mother was I if I can’t even remember having kids? Damn you goldfish I hate you, I hate you! It was at that moment that Ashley remembered why she drew the images of the goldfish, she hated the goldfish and she would draw the pictures and then rip them to shreds. It was how she dealt with her pain. Was that why she hated her husband, because he never gave her any children? Did the goldfish represent kids? It was the type of pet you have when you are a kid that much she knew. She still couldn’t make out why she hated this abstract concept.
Her doctor was telling her about the man who came to visit; she said he was asking about her. The doctor was talking about how much he must have really cared for her. Who the hell was she talking about? The only man I ever loved is DEAD. I killed him.
“I killed him.”
The doctor dropped her pen. It was the first time she had heard her voice, felt words form in her throat.
“I…killed…him?”
The doctor looked up excitedly at Ashley and made a motion towards her. She pulled back.
“Don’t touch me!” She yelled, she actually yelled.
“Oh my God, Ashley are you okay, I didn’t mean to startle you dear, it’s okay I am not here to hurt you.” the doctor said.
“I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him.”
She just kept repeating it over and over. Finally she slammed her fist on the table and raised her voice
“I. Killed. HIM!”
She said that last part with her teeth gritted. And suddenly it all came back to her, her daughters, the boys, her sons she had sons. And then there it was buried deep underneath it all, the fuzziest of the fuzzy memories. She could barely make it out but she managed to utter a shocking revelation that worried her doctor.
“Molly Goldfish is a dish. Molly Goldfish is a bitch. If I could have me just one wish, it would be Molly in a ditch.”
She began chanting it over and over. It was the chant her and her girlfriends made up in high school because Molly had a reputation of stealing boyfriends away. She stole my boyfriend away. She then broke down into tears.
Stephanie Bri 