The day I discovered Christianity was the first day of my anxiety as a young person. I started life out drawn to witchcraft and the occult. I was learning about all the different religions and mythologies of the world. Along the way I read books exploring mysticism, ancient religions and even the Arthurian legends. I was deeply fascinated by the spiritual world. I was well versed in the supernatural. Then I found Jesus.
At first converting to Christianity did offer me some comfort. It teaches of a healer who frees us from our sins. In those early days I was gung ho about doing right, standing up for the Lord and even subjecting myself to additional bullying at school by wearing religious themed clothing.
I went all in on Christianity. However it didn’t take long for the dark side to rear it’s ugly head. I converted at age 11. I was in the early stages of puberty. My body was begging me to masturbate on a regular basis to keep up with the hormonal changes. However my religion taught it was a horrible sin and thus I was going to hell if I participated in the most natural thing for a 12-year-old “boy” to do.
I was terrified to explore my own budding sexuality. I was afraid to explore my hidden feelings of transgenderism. I kept so much of myself a secret out of fear of shame. I was terrified the “Christians” who claimed to love me would turn their backs on me and cast me to hell if I ever pursued my true self. That is exactly what happened. After living a life of pure fucking agony for 37 years I finally had enough. Months before I turned 38 I began hormone replacement therapy with the express intention of altering my physical appearance to more reflect the female me trapped inside a male shell. At long last I could breath free. Except one problem, I went from Evangelical Christian to Catholic. I was knee deep in the most powerful religious cult to ever walk the face of this earth. I was suffering still despite finally throwing a ton of bricks off my shoulders.
Then I found her. In 2021 I slowly started getting back into witchcraft. I had left the Catholic church for the mildly more accepting Episcopal denomination. I even found a queer friendly church led by a queer pastor and a largely queer leadership with a very queer congregation. I finally felt at home briefly. But the misogyny of that faith kept bullying me. One day I came across a list of Celtic Gods and Goddesses and I felt an instant calling. Brigid was telling me she would open her arms to me with love and gentleness. I found a deity who would love me for me. No judgements. No threat of damnation. I felt free at last.
Since I discovered Brigid I have found more than peace. I have a working relationship with a kind and gentle warrior Goddess who has had her share of dealings with Christianity. Brigid humbly allowed herself to be Sanctified into the Christian faith in order to remain close to her followers. She sailed across the ocean with her indentured servant faithful to the New World where she became a figure in the Slave originated religion of Hattian Vodou where she took on a person of a rum drinking sailor to stay close to her people. Brigid is a loving but firm Goddess who has spread herself around the globe in different ways to reach different people, something her Christian counterpart is quite known for doing as well.
Chief among the Irish Tuatha de Danann, Brigid is a motherly figure. She comforts me as needed. She is also a warrior. She lost her son in battle helping to shape our funerary customs to this day. She is a respectable force to be reckoned with. She is a triple goddess with power over fire, water, healing, protection, life, animals, nature and so much more. Her many aspects make her an ideal replacement for another certain all purpose deity. Except she is much more loving, far more kind and exceedingly compassionate. Not that Jesus wasn’t but his followers have perverted his religion into a hate mongering force of devastation upon the world. I find comfort in her arms where I felt nothing but stern correction in his. He loved his children too, so long as they conformed to a rigid, impossible standard of living even the holiest of holies couldn’t maintain. Yet he offered us a way out that his own followers failed to latch on to. She has offered me more.
I write with Brigid in mind. She is a Goddess of poetry and smithing, of creative types the world over. Thus she inspires me when I write. More than a muse, she is the wind beneath my wings as I sail through the waters of creativity. She is my spirit guide as I read the tarot cards. She is there for me to chase away the demons that haunt me in my darkest of nightmares. She is there to lift me up when I stumble. She wants to be my mother and I let her. I desire to be her child and she lets me be that as well. Our roles are of mutual respect of one another. She doesn’t do things for me, she helps me find my own inner strength and then shows me how to channel my own powers to do good in the world. She will answer a prayer if I am in desperate need of her intervention, but she prefers to remain largely hands off in my life. She watches over me, not rules over me.
It is a very different relationship I have with my new Goddess than I had with my previous God. I still attend church services on Sundays when I can. I pray to Joshua when the need arises as I still have an admittedly rocky relationship with him.
Brigid doesn’t demand I give her exclusive service although she has expressed desire to be my sole focus, which I have agreed to give to her within the best of my abilities and the scope of my reality. We have come to terms which I hope are agreeable to all. That doesn’t mean either of us are perfect. She doesn’t profess to be nor does she expect me to be either. Instead what I have is a relationship that works more like a Mother and Daughter, a teacher and student and a lost puppy and it’s adopted master all in one. What I found is a Goddess whom I can wrap myself up in her warm loving arms when I need her to. A deity who will offer me guidance in life so long as I follow her path of peace.
I am more than excited to explore this new world where I am not a slave to my Goddess but a friend. She is compassionate to me and that is exactly what my tired old abused heart needed. I left one abusive relationship for one more loving, kind and peaceful. I love you my Goddess, with all my heart.