I normally don’t make New Year’s resolutions. In fact last year, 2020, was the first time I ever made one and I actually kept it. My resolution was to eat new snack foods I had never tried before. I succeeded because that was an easy one. In fact I cheated. I picked an easy resolution I knew I could keep on purpose just so I could brag I kept mine.
Similar to the childhood memories of the holidays now tainted by my family’s rejection of who I am so too is New Year’s now filled with the sting of memories I’d rather forget. Traditions we held that I once looked forward to now bring me little joy. I want this year to be different though. I want to make a resolution I know will be hard to keep. I want to push myself to keep it so I can brag next year how I conquered my fears. That is my resolution.
This year I flew on a plane for the first time. It was a disaster as I was terrified of flying. I also ate lobster tail for the first time ever this year despite a pervasive critter phobia that renders me useless in the presence of certain crustaceans, insects, rodents or arachnids.. Another fear I over came was my fear of people. I have a hard time approaching new people which makes it difficult to make new friends. This year I went out on a limb and found the most wonderful woman I could ever meet to spend my days with.
My resolution for 2022 is to face my fears head on. I want to try all the things that give me anxiety and panic attacks. I want to look fear in the eye and spit on it’s face. I want to grow as a person. This is the year I laugh at rather than run from a clown. This is the year I pet a strangers dog instead of cower in fright. I will try more seafoods. I will spend more time in the wilderness with the bugs. I will sit in the rain during a thunderstorm and let those terrifying thunder claps sooth me rather than paralyze me. I will spend the entire year chasing down and defeating all of my phobias one by one. That is what I resolve to do this year. Mark my words I will not fail.