We all have our issues with our high school lives. I don’t like to rehash most of the memories I carry in the deep recesses of my mind. Occasionally one will trigger me into a state of mind I find deeply disturbing. It’s a mixture of guilt, shame, anger, frustration and regret mixed with a twinge of longing for the past. Blame it on nostalgia.
This isn’t a story from my past. This is my reflections on the trajectory my life is now on thanks to recent events. It started with me quitting my full time job to stay at home and fend off the depression I had sunken into. That was back in the early days of October just a few short weeks ago. At the time I was working two jobs with a third potentially on the way. I wasn’t able to juggle all of that so I quite the other part time job I picked up to make ends meet.
That downward spiral is what prompted me to call the crisis hotline and get scheduled to see a psychiatrist. I needed answers. I was given a diagnosis, some medication and regular therapy sessions. I began the healing process. Then I made the unfortunate decision to ask my mom if I could spend Christmas Day with her and the family. That turned into an ordeal that left me wanting to leave Texas behind for good. The state hasn’t been entirely great for me after all.
During that hurricane of emotions I ended up starting a new project, The Trans Station, a news-talk show dedicated to trans folks and trans issues. I have been working hard in my spare time to try and pull that together into something worthwhile. I have since found a host of support from other trans and LGBT+ individuals as I launch this latest venture.
As if that wasn’t enough I am now making plans to move to Buffalo, New York. The goal is to be closer to my girlfriend while also putting as much distance between myself and Texas as I can. Seeing an opportunity to coax some goodwill out of the folks responding to my tweet that had blown up overnight I launched a gofundme to raise the cash to move to New York. Needless to say my entire trip was funded in a few short hours.
Moving across the country to start the next chapter in my life. Launching a news talk show that will shine a light on trans issues. Continuing my job search in a state with a much better grasp of how serious COVID-19 is. These are all the major changes I am facing as I enter the next phase of my life. As 2021 draws to a close I look back at the year and say “is that all you got?” The year that tried it’s damndest to push me to give up. I laugh at you 2021 as I gleefully prepare to welcome a brand new year into my life.
I start to look back at my past and I smirk. I won. I survived. You tried and failed to end me so here I am on my way to the next level. Try as you might knock me down, kick me while there, spit on me if you must all it does is fuel me to rise above. Every time I overcome an obstacle I turn it into a story to entertain others. A lesson learned. Then I move on to the next challenge. I want my life to be an inspiration to others. When life kicks you in the balls cut em off and put on a dress.
Stephanie Bri 