I have been going through a bit of a crisis lately. A large part of that is related to my identity. I have been making so many changes in my life that my brain can’t seem to answer the question, who am I? So I decided today was a good time to sit down and answer some of the questions with the information I can lock down. I figured if I did this at the very least it might settle some of my anxiety of so much change.
Here is a list of attributes that define who I am.
This one is obvious. I felt my gender didn’t match my body as young as 7 years old, maybe even younger. I have been diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria. I am being treated with Hormone Replacement Therapy as well as socially transitioning into a woman presenting person.
I was born in the United States of America. Specifically the city of Twin Falls, Idaho. It was also the county seat of Twin Falls County. This is a big part of my identity. While my politics have evolved over the years I still very much hold being American as a part of who I am.
To some I was a brother, to others I am a sister. I have always been a sibling from the day I was born. I was the second born child in my dads family and my moms first born child. As such I was a sibling the moment I was born. This does include some responsibilities as well as burdens I have faced over the years. While it comes with a lot of baggage I am still grateful for all four of my sisters.
4. Toy collector
I put this here because it’s true. I go out of my way to collect toys. Mostly action figures but not exclusively. I have hundreds of Hot Wheels, dozens of Care Bears, tons of Barbie, a lot of Lego’s and a few random toys as well.
I don’t game as much as I used to in some respects meaning the variety of games I play has diminished. However the amount of time I spend playing video games make it still the dominant past time of mine. I mostly spend hours on end playing Minecraft but I do still mix it up with plenty of other games when I find the time. Believe me I do find the time. I don’t get into petty squabbles of this type of gamer or that type of gamer, I identify as a gamer because I always have been fascinated by video games and video game culture.
This is relatively new. I took this as the religious form of my beliefs mainly as a way to tell people I am a witch without the stigma of doing magic. It is also something that has appealed to me my entire life.
Specifically I am confirmed Catholic, baptized Independent Fundamental Baptist as well as baptized independent independent Christian. That being said while I no longer practice this religion in the traditional sense, Jesus is still my primary deity in my practice. I am leaning more towards a Christian spiritualist who practices some forms of spells but I am no longer denying I am a baptized Christian who does follow some tenants of the Christian faith.
This goes without saying. I am a writer. Not because I have been employed as a writer in the past. While that gave me a sense of pride at the time I was always a writer simply because I write words. I write in my journal nobody will ever read. I write spells in my Book of Shadows. I write articles on my blog. I occasionally write freelance for other publications. I write a lot therefore I am a writer.
I waffled on this one. I do photograph things on a daily basis. I mostly share my pictures though social media but I also have a folder of photos I take on my DSLR camera I don’t share publicly. I have had a hard time considering myself a photographer because writer is a larger part of my life I often neglect, or forget about, my photography.
10. Video producer
I don’t just make podcasts and YouTube videos. While it is true I do vlog from time to time, I have also produced several short form videos over the years. This has included a professionally commissioned music video for a former WWE Super Star by the name of Sam Houston. It has also included two independent short films I have delisted. I have produced a ton more video content than what the public gets to see.
I am not just marking musician because I was a professional and semi professional DJ for a large part of my life. I also play keyboards, guitar and drums. In fact I devoted more time and energy into playing the drums than any other musical endeavor. Hand me a pair of drum sticks and I can jam with any rock, country, folk or blues band out there. I also am a performer in a way.
I hold this one dearly. On the surface I tell people about my breakdancing. While that was a thing which did dominate a portion of my life i’s not all the dancing I do. Ask anyone that has spent time with me one-on-one, including my girlfriend, and they will tell you I am pretty much always dancing. I blast the tunes in my car while I dance along to my destination. I also can do some ballet moves and other more traditional forms of dance I practice by myself but rarely demonstrate.
13. Queer woman
This is tied to my trans identity but separate from it in a way. I am queer. I do not hide from that. I own it. I broadcast it. I enjoy sharing it with other queers. This is a part of my identity I always held near and dear to my heart but kept it largely secret for the biggest part of my life.
Once a son, today a daughter like sibling child was a part of my identity from birth, obviously. Also like being a sibling I do take my responsibilities to my family quite seriously. I enjoy being a daughter and granddaughter to those who let me be in their lives.
15. Computer nerd
I don’t really keep up with processors, RAM and video cards like I USED to but I am no less a computer nerd today than I was when I was a child. I wanted a computer so badly as a kid I used to take my Transformers toys and turn them into make-shift computers. I was thrilled beyond words when my parents got me a Smith-Corona electronic word processor because to me it was as close to a computer as I could get at the time. I spent all my free time in the library at school playing on the computer. I was the first person in my family to buy my own computer separate from the family computer we did eventually get. I used to be able to build them from scratch. I used to repair them for others. I even used to dabble quite extensively in hacking as well as surfing the dark web for illegal pirate content in another life. I never stopped thinking of myself as a computer nerd. I sometimes get offended when others don’t recognize my passion for computers because it is such a huge part of my identity.
16. Comic book fan
I read comic books. I collect comic books. I play comic book themed video games, own comic book action figures and yes I even have trading cards based on comic book properties. I love comics. I am beyond fascinated by comics culture and the stories contained within the comics I enjoy. I have slowed down a bit lately because life has gotten busier than ever before but my comics collection continues to grow ever larger.
17. Transformers collector
Yes I already said I collect toys. While I have opened it up to all types of toys lately, I have always been and always will be a Transformers collector first and foremost. I have over 300 toys, more than half of them are Transformers. Even among the toys that are not Hasbro branded toys I have other types of transforming robot toys ranging from Power Rangers zords to Gundam kits plus a ton of Gobots including several Rock Lords. I love Transformers. I love transforming robot toys. I even love robots in general.
18. Cat mom
This one comes and goes. I currently (s)mother the crap out of my furbaby Buddy. I coddle, cuddle, hug, nuzzle and snuggle him on a near constant basis. I baby the crap out of that little guy.
19. Star Wars fan
I love Star Wars. I don’t idolize everything that gets made under the umbrella but the stuff I do indulge is a huge part of who I am. Star Wars is by far my favorite movie of all time I often swap it back and forth with A Nightmare on Elm Street but it’s always been Star Wars. I love the books, comics, toys, video games and so much more. I even have the Star Wars Customizable Card Game made by Decipher back in the 90s. I love Star Wars. I don’t get into petty arguments of what is real Star Wars, I love the stuff I like, respect the stuff I don’t and celebrate it all equally.
20. Horror fan
This one is obvious. Again my favorite movie of all time is A Nightmare on Elm Street when it isn’t Star Wars. I watch a lot of horror movies. I collect horror toys and memorabilia. I play horror video games. I talk about and think about horror a lot.
There you have it twenty different aspects of my personality you can pin on me as answer to the question who I am. The real answer is I am Stephanie Bri and that’s all that matters.