If you are reading this you may have noticed some changes to my website. I am done with the spiders lair branding and the retro witch persona. I decided part of being trans, part of finding my authentic self is getting to be the real me. This time I am removing all of the layers, the masks I wore, the identities I hid behind.
What brought about this change you ask? Simple. A week ago I tried to take my life. Part of that was I felt like I still didn’t know who I was. I realized that was part of why people have had such a hard time getting to know me. I have been playing a character, a persona for so long I forgot how to turn it off. That is over. I am done worrying about if people will like the real me or not. Because the real me is a whole lot more vulnerable than the retro witch, or even the other guy before her, let on.
The truth is I want to be me. This was started, always has been intended, to be a personal blog where I make sense of the world. I called it the spiders lair for reasons I don’t need anymore.
I am an adult no. That means my content is going to change. My tastes have changed. My view on the world has changed. My purpose in this life has changed. I can no longer hid in my bedroom, in the dark, pretending like video games matter. I can no longer get angry over someone spouting misinformation in the ages old Nintendo vs. Sega bit wars. I am over it. I am a woman now. I am ready to write about issues that are more real to me.
These past few months as I slowly became more and more open with who I was, I began writing more personal articles. But those clashed in tone with the theme I had built of this website. So, I had to force myself to take a darker tone at times writing about horror movies to uphold the image. I love horror movies but I also enjoy rom coms, fantasy films, super hero flicks and, occasionally, the Three Stooges. I was forcing myself into a box to maintain an image I no longer aspire to uphold.
Obviously changing the name of the website will affect bookmarks. It will also afford me a better chance to target my true audience; other women, trans or otherwise. I don’t want to pretend to be a boy anymore. I might write about the toys that are important to me as I find the time and motivation. But I might also write about envious I am of cisgirls and their monthly cycles. I mean the life giving power of the female body is absolutely amazing and the best part of woman hood I can never achieve.
Still, this website is going to go in a new direction now that I am fully shedding my past life. I year ago introduced the world to Stephanie Bri, a recently hatched Trans egg who was starting her baby trans journey alone with no idea what she was doing.
Now, a year later I am reintroducing the world to fully grown Stephanie Bri, a trans woman with a powerful family, strong support network, loving friends and above all, a purpose in this life.
If you were a fan of THE RAT please go away, he was a myth and needs to be forgotten. If you were here for the Retro Witch, please stick around and see what I have in store as she was also a lie. I do hop everyone can understand how fragile I really was and forgive me for all the layers of deceit I had to employ in order to survive. It’s a cruel world out there, even more so for trans people. I had to make choices I am not proud of but do not regret. I did was was necessary. I am now revealing the real me. No more layers. No more masks. No more personas.