I have been seeing a lot of debates around the internet among queer people about whether or not kink should be allowed at Pride. The arguments center on Pride being a celebration that should be all inclusive for children thus keeping it “family friendly.” The other side, the pro kink side, argue Pride is not a celebration it is a protest. I have been going over this entire argument in my mind for the past few weeks ever since I learned of it.
I decided I am ready to chime in. I have been battling gender dysphoria for my entire life. I started transitioning one year ago because I couldn’t stomach living a lie any longer. I have always been a non conformist. That was partly how I covered up being trans, I liked to break stereotypes and ignore societal norms wherever I could. But somewhere along the way I found myself blending in to navigate those turbulent waters. That is, until I realized that blending in was killing me and I needed to shift gears before I ran out of energy to hold on.
For me gender dysphoria means I was born in the wrong body. Plain and simple. So the fact I am transgender does mean I lean into feminine stereotypes as a way to stave off that dysphoria. It’s why I wear makeup. To fit in with the other females but also to look pretty. I want to be admired. It’s one of the female traits I admire. But there is a part of me, the feminist woman I am trying to become, that wants to say you don’t have to live up to stereotypes. You can be trans and still wear pants, grow a beard or even forgo HRT. There is no rule book that says this is how you trans.
So when I started thinking about tucking in relation to Pride and my own gender expression and developing sexuality I came to a realization that I don’t do it for one reason. It’s makes me uncomfortable to do so. Yes I would kill to have bottom surgery and get the vagina my brain keeps telling me I need. But as long as I have the thing that shall remain unnamed, I am going to make do.
At first it wasn’t about protest or nonconformity for me. I never tuck. I refuse. It’s not comfortable and it makes me feel weird. I do, sometimes, wear gaff but that’s a different story. As I started listening to the discussions online between older queer people and the younger generation I started to see argument for and against bulge popping up. One trans person said they celebrate girl bulge because it demonstrates strength. Another responded they tuck out of fear of being clocked and the repercussions that go along with it. Another said it’s to stave off their dysphoria. I see all thee of those points as valid.
Here is why I wanted to chime in. Even before I knew who I was into sexually I knew two things about the male sex organ from an early age. I hated having one but I also love them on other people. This was a part of my discovery I tried to burry deep down. I felt if I was attracted to penis, or penile humans, it meant I was gay. Now I already determined I was gay, or a lesbian anyways, when I discovered I am also into vaginas and identify as a female. This put me in a strange place where I felt either way I went would be a betrayal to the real me.
Bulge for me is empowering to those who show it. I do find trans woman who show their bulge sexy, not gonna lie. That’s not why I don’t tuck though, because I want to be perceived as female. But I don’t want to be objectified. I want to be treated like a woman worth treating like a woman because of who I am, not because of my genitals. I mean damn if you’re only nice to the people you think about fucking you’re not a decent human being. That’s actually kinda self serving in fact.
I don’t want to go to the beach with my bulge showing. But I do want to wear a bikini to the beach despite not having the physical shape most women consider bikini bod. For me it is about tapping into my femininity and feminism. I want to push the boundaries of queerness in public. Normalize those who are different so people go to the beach, or Pride, can just be seen as people out having a good time, and nobody will be worried about which ones they can imagine naked while they jerk off when nobody is looking.
For me women, men and children should be free to wear whatever they want in public and not have to worry about who is looking. After all if you can’t see a person in public showing skin because you’re afraid it’ll get you off, that’s your problem not ours. To that end I say bring on the kink. Bring on the guy bulge, assless chaps and whatever else makes queer people comfortable, cishet people uncomfortable and helps normalize queerness in all its manifestations.
Stephanie Bri 