Category: Post

I want to be clear every generation has dealth with it’s own hardships. The Boomers had the Cold War and it’s impact on the world which lasted for 3 decades but was a series of interconnected events stemming from the aftermath of WWII. And yes outside of America the Cold War was absolutely felt more so by certain countries than others and was absolutely a global crisis but most of it’s catastrophic events really only impact a small number of countries directly, ALL global situations have some broader, regional impact, so let’s get that out of the way first.

However Boomers, at least in the US, still had a mostly strong economy and celebrated greater individual freedom than their offspring did.

Gen Z comes close having been born into the War on Terror and it’s Far reaching global implications, but we still have them beat as we approach middle age.

Gen X had Vietnam and the Civil Rights Crisis but those weren’t fully global, Vietnam more than the civil rights stuff but largely those were still America and her allies problems with a few collateral casualties around the globe but still not fully truly global crises.

Mellennials have had nothing but one global catastrophe after another during every phase of our lives, with a brief period of wide ranging events around the globe during the 90s that affected various regions, sure, but not on the scale as the following world altering events.

First we were born smack dat as the Cold War was coming to an End. While we didn’t experience the Duck and Cover drills our parents did, we still saw a lot of nuclear war discussions in the news, films and TV and even our cartoons. We were fortunate to witness the end of the Cold War and a brief period where wars and disasters affected others but not everyone in the 90s. Then just as we were entering or approaching adulhood two major world changing events happened.

The first was Columbine. While it was largely isolated to just the US initially, the rising occurance of mass shootings around the US started to force other nations to reconsider their own gun safety laws. It wasn’t as wide reaching as what came next but first let’s back it up.

Yes we were born as the Cold War was winding down but you know what was happening while we were being conceived? The AIDS epedimic. Back then getting HIV was a death sentence and it was absolutely global in it’s reach and impact. It wasn’t until well into our adult lives that we had AIDS and HIV under control enough to let our guard down, but it was always rining alarm bells in the back of our minds.

Then September 11th happened. This immediately launched the entire world into the cross hairs of the Bush era War on Terror. Suddenly US troops, who had been basically everywhere since WWII, were not even more active than ever before. While the US military itself has been the source of pain and suffering around the world since the first World War, true, it still mostly affected isolated people’s and their surroundings one conflict or operation at a time. But the War on Terror affected and shaped global politics, policies, and everything else for decades, having lasting impacts even today.

While the Boomers parents remember Pearl Harbor and the Gen Xers remember getting sent into Vietnam for who even knows why, the US made it a point to make their self imposed Global War on Terror everybody’s problem, whether they liked it or not. We were teens, kids, or very young adults when 9-11 happend. We ALL knew friends, family, loved ones who were about to go die for something we didn’t fully understand but we knew nothing was going to stop from happening.

Again the Boomers, and Gen X have had their recessions come and go, generally speaking aside from the dark times in the 70s during the brief, comparatively speaking, Gas Crisis, they still enjoyed a generally stronger and far more solid economy than the one we were dumped into unprepared.

We spent the entire decade of the 90s being told we HAD to go to college to be useful in the coming techonoly driven future. So our parents and their politicians gave us student loans and Pell Grants to get those, now, worthless pieces of wall paper. Instead we got saddled with loads of unmanagable student debt, a shrinking job market, a non existence housing market and a constant barrage of Boomers telling us to tighten our belts while they kept taking away every government program we grew to depend on.

Then there was the Great Recession that began with the US based housing bubble. This also had far reaching global implications that lasted for a solid decade. Even as world powers adjusted to the collapse of long standing financial instutitions the financial elite kept hoarding even more of the weath for themselves and leaving us breadcrumbs.

Then there was the COVID pandemic. Yes there were other pandemics around the globe but nothing as far reaching universally since AIDS was nearly conquered. As the entire world started to respond, in various ways, to the global pandemic they also became to feel the pinch of the American weathy further removing their resources away from those beneath while the whole world watched everyone shift to a work from home, food delivered social distancing based society. We have slowly started to shift away from that but the impact the economic and political policies governments enacted in response are still affecting us today.

All of this leads us to today. The rise of the Fasisct Trump and his ICE goons. Every week the world leaders have to hold emergency meetings to discuss how to respond to Trump’s evern evolving barrage of threats of tarrifs, annexations, war, etc,, and all of this is what allowed Israel to tighten it’s genocide on the Palestinians, the Russians attemtp to take Ukrain by force and all the other conflicts going on around the world.

I am NOT saying other generations didn’t have their own troubles and things to deal with, they absolutely did. What I am arguing is over all, Millannials have faced one global reaching, near apocalypse causing tragedy after another. That’s without getting into the impact Climate Change has had in our lifetime, exaccerbated further by our parents and their elected officials who ensured decades long political careers would continue to dominate our entire lives constantly removing every single government program we rely on to survive.

Yes, Gen Z and Gen Alpha are growing up in a much darker world than we began life in but they still missed out on the things we had to endure first. Gen X and the Boomers had their bumps in the road but generally speaking enjoyed far more economic stability than we did.

I fear for Gen Alpha. They are growing up in a world where they trade their imbelical cord at birth for an iPhone, plugged into an AI infested social media raising them in a world where they won’t even have the skills to fully distinguish reality from AI generated bullshit. I firmly believe this is absolutely an AMERICAN Millennial perspective so yes I recognize other generations around the globe have had their shit to endure too, but from what I know from history, which admittedly is not at all comprehensive, among those Americans alive TODAY, the Millannials have had far more global crisis directly impact us than any generation before us. I have hope that we can continue to fight to make the world better for those who come after us, but right now as a Millannial approaching middle age all I can say is our souls are tired and we could certainly use a vacation right about now.

I’m dealing with a lot in my personal life above all the crazy stuff going on around the world and here in the US. So I wanted to take the time to put out some positivity for a change to hopefully counterbalance all the negativity I have even myself added to people’s lives. I hope this helps others find their own source of joy while helping me let go of the negative feelings I am battling.

I want to just write about a few things that do bring me joy and maybe why they are important to me. I wanna kinda make this semi organized, as is my way, but still kinda openended in a way.

Cats

I love cats. I have had plenty of pets in my life, from dogs to birds and even a hamster once. While I try to give every pet I bring into my life the same amount of love they all deserve, no animal has ever won my affection like my cats.

I wanna be up front I have had a LOT of cats that, let’s just say would have rather had their teeth pulled than give me the time of day, sure. However I have only had, in my entire life, exactly 3 cats that bothered to get close to me.

The first was Itty Bitty Kreepa Kat with a K and an A, aka Kreepa. or creeper as my sisters called her because whatever. I had her when I was a teenager, from the age of 16 to the age of 17. This was way back in the dark ages of the dusty old 90s, long before the infamous exploding grass monster in Minecraft, so no sher was not named after my arch nemesis. She was a kitten that my sister’s cat spawned. Unfortunately as it was a long ass time ago, I don’t remember her cat’s name or anything about it just it was my cats mother.

What I do remember about Kreepa is she was mine and I was hers. She would curl up in a ball and rest on my shoulder. No matter what I did or where I went she would follow like a happy puppy. Unfortunately due to reasons I can’t fully remember due to being lost to time, I remember having her then one day not having her, but honestly I have no memory of what happend. It could have been she succumbed to the dangers of the world and I blocked it  out due to emotional trauma. It could have been we moved and couldn’t take her with us or it could have been she ran away. I honestly don’t remember because she was far from the first cat I had that I had to give up, but I do remember she was the first one I was allowed into her heart as well. I will never forget the brief time we had together, even if I can’t fully remember how it ended.

The next cat I had fallen in love with mutually was simply named Grayson. He was not named after anyone in my world to my knowledge. He was a cat some elderly lady in my community was trying to rehome and I ended up with him and his sister, Shadow. Since they were full grown adults when I got them, I opted to keep the names she gave them. Shadow, was a feral beast who ultimately escaped out into the wild to never return one sad day and I never found her. Grayson became my soulmate for a time. Like most things in my life, again my time with him was short lived. I barely had him for around 2 and a half years total. During that time he was the absolute most like a dog of any cat I have ever had. He hunted the vermin in the house, tormenting the snakes and spiders that gave me heartburn on a daily basis. He curled up in a ball on my shoulder too and would wrap his tail around my kneck and purr affectionately all day. When I came home from college he was at the front door hopping happy to see me. He even came when I called him as any loyal pupper would so he won me over quickly.

Unfortunately because I was in college at the time I neded up moving into the college apartments on campus to save money on rent. As such I had to rehome him again. This time I gave him to a 12 year old autistic girl from my mom’s church and he went to a good home so I said goodbye and let him find a new person.

Then there is the cat I have now. His full name is Johnny Buddy Budikins Cage III. I named his myself. I named him the 3rd because he was the 3rd cat I fell in love with and so far he’s been the longest pet I have ever owned save for one dog I don’t wanna talk about here. Buddy, as I call him mostly because he was also an adult when I got him and his previous person called him that too., has become my best friend. He doesn’t sit on my shoulder nor does he bother to wrap his tail around my kneck. However he responds to my needs and he does sit with me most of the time. He’s a little more independent that the other cats I have spent time with but he comes to me when I need him, not always when I want him but always when I need him. And unlike those other cats, who I still loved in their own way, he sleeps with me every night.

 

Puppies and lap dogs

 

I will be the first to tell you dogs are demons. In general I hate these violent, flesh eating monsthers some humans find it worthwhile to tame. Especially big dogs and loud dogs. Any sized dog who is aggresive earns a spot on me hit list. But I love puppies and lap dogs. Specifically Chiauauas, (sp), Yorkies, and Weirner dogs. I could open my heart to others but never big dogs. Never agressive dogs. and never hunting dogs.

Unlike cats who I have had plenty who didn’t even know I existed despite being their human, I have, to be fair, never had a dog that didn’t treat me like I was the absolutely most important living creature in the entire world. Dogs are hella loyal and decidedly affectionate, when you let them, that much is true. However, and this is the basis for most of my animosity. Even the most well behaved , well trained dog can turn on a dime and become a viscious flesh eating monster with little to no notice. Let me be clear. I have been VIOLENTLY attacked on seven very distinc times in my life by all manner of dog. As a young child I had a dog named Buster I loved and adored. I didn’t come into this world disliking the beasts. It took years of getting bit followed by naive owners saying “they never bite anyone, they’re so well behaved” before I came to accept that ALL dogs WILL bite you seemingly for NO reason. The first four attacks were entirely and 100 percent unprovoked. I was just being friendly with a friend or neighbors dog who all of a sudden thought I was lunch. The first attack I was only 6 years old. The second attack came latter that same year.

Obviously this jaded me right away but since my immediate family and cousins all had dogs that never bothered me I didn’t immediately jump to being afraid of all dogs right away. It was the last few attacks that turned me against the entire species as a whole.

I want to stop there because this is supposed to be about positivity. So now I wanna turn my focus to the dogs I do love. First is the aformentioned Buster. He wasn’t literally my first dog, from what my parents have told me, but he is the first one who sticks in my memory so to me at least, he was the first. And he WAS the best. I ended up having to give him to my uncle who lived on a farm, and no that isn’t code for anything he really did go live with my uncle on a farm and I did get to visit him from time to time. Until, sadly, he did the thing. I wasn’t there so I don’t know why or what prompted it but he bit one of my young cousins and that was that, he was put down and I had to say goodbye to him a second time.

 

The second dog I wanna talk about was one my mom named NaNa. She was a half German Shepherd half Border Collie cross breed. She was friendly, affectionate and, yes, very protective of me and my sisters. Here is the good part of the story. She was hit by a car and I had to rush her to the vet one moring. Her throat was gashed and hanging off her kneck. Fortunately she survived and recovered. We had her in our lives for several more years until once again we moved into an apartment that disallowed pets and gave her away.

Then there is Bear. I got him for my 16th birthday. I had Bear until he died of old age over a decade later. He was the “mans best friend” dog you hear about. He slept in my bed, followed me everywhere, followed my commands and sat at my feet when I wasn’t asleep. He was the absolute BEST of any pet I have ever had, including my best cats, so yes there was a time when my favorite animal alive was in fact, a dog. I have had other dogs since Bear but ONLY small lap dogs and forever that will be the case. If I ever get another dog, which I am not categorically against, it would be such a type. Never again will I be in the rpesence of ANY dog, mine or anothers, large enough to cause me physical harm. Those days are long gone.

 

Comic books

Once upon a time I had the attention span and the drive to read novels every single day. I ended up reading more books than I will ever realistically be able to count. As time went on and my bipolar brain made my attention span and concentration skills ever smaller and harder to focus, I moved away from full on novels and shifted fully into comics. This wasn’t a gradual or all at once thing, I’ve always been into comics, as far back as I can remember. It’s just today I can read a comic book fully while novels are harder to get into. I still occasionally pick up a book it just takes me longer to finish than it used to so it’s not as common as it used to be. But most comic books are not only much shorter and often easier to read than a full novel, they also have artwork and stories I am drawn to. I don’t need pictures to read or enjoy a book, but they do make reading comics easier for me today and so I find myself picking up a comic easier than I would a novel these days.

I could give you the runaround like many comics fans do about compelling stories, interesting characters, etc., and those things are true too but what I like about comics is even when part of a larger narrative, they are usually self contained stories I can pick up, enjoy and toss aside with little after thought. I read and collect comics, I don’t analyze or discuss them in depth. I also don’t have any brand loyalty. I would be as happy reading a book from Marvel or DC as I would an indie comic nobody else has ever read. I truly ENJOY reading comics, not just collecting them. However, I don’t usually get invested in the larger story arcs. I have a few collected editions of specific stories like X-Cutioner’s Song and Age of Apolcalypes, to name two. But I generallty just grab a random floppy, flip through it, then discard it and move on. This is just how I read comics, not saying it’s how everyone else should. I am going to be honest though, as much as this might upset some folks, I never cared about the art one way or the other. I don’t get anamored by an “amazing” cover or “spectacular” panel, I just see the art as a part of the storytelling process and nothing more. It’s not to be dismissive of the artwork it just doesn’t register in my brain one way or the other. I just sorta tune it out. Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate good comic book art, it’s just not the motivating factor to my enjoying a book.

 

Chips

A lot of people have comfor food or things that make them smile when they eat. Most enjoy ice cream, cookies or cakes of some sort. Not me. I prefer chips. I generally tend to lean towards standard potato chips but I am not opposed to a good corn based chip or even the potato flake product Pringles tries to pass off as a chip adjecent snack. I just love the crispy, crunch of a good chip. Again I have zero brand or flavor loyalty. Monday I might grab a bag of some off brand BBQ lays style crips, Tuesday I might grab a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, Wednesday I’ll reach for a bag of of Queso flavored Ruffles, Thursday it’ll be some Taki’s Fuego and then Friday I might go for a salty sgtore brand regular old classic chip. I’m not at all picky. And yes I even eat Pringles happily when I am craving a good chip. I tend to prefer salty snacks to sweet snacks in general so I often go for a good pretzel or a bag of Chex Mix in subsitution of a bag of chips but I rarely reach for a Twinky or a Snickers bar. I don’t despise candy, at all, I just prefer chips of nearly all variety. I love eating chips with a meal, as a snack or for a meal substitute.

That should be some positive energy for the universe for right now. Stay cool.

 

I have given this probably way brain power over the years than I outgha have. At various points in my life where my financial situation was better than it currently is I have started, and stopped, collecting video games multiple times. Each time I take a different approach but always usually very quickly go back to the stuff I had as a kid.

Today, partially for budget reasons and also convenience, I do my retro video game “collecting” in the virtual space via ROMS and emulators. Even if I could afford to buy dedicated consoles and physical games I still don’t know if I would. Maybe if my intention was just to own them as a display piece but not to actually play them, maybe.

However as a thought exoricise just for fun I will speculate on which video game consoles I am the most likely to desire to collect and what my intentions for that system would potentially be.

This is not going to be a completely comprehensive list but it is going to be as close to such as I can get.

Let’s start at the beginning.

Regardless of money, I fully intend to someday buy a few PONG consoles and PONG clones. These are generally dirt cheap and not something you can easilly, accurately emulate. Plus they fall under the toy umbrella and I’ll never stop collecting toys.

 

Magnavox Odyssee and Odyssee 2

Hard pass. I have zero interest in either console, including for emulation.

 

Channel F

Maybe a non functional display model if I get too deep into the hobby but otherwise not that interesting to me.

 

Atari VCS

I would be all in on this. I want the varients, including the Darth Vadetr and the Jr. I wouldn’t be too selective about games. Ideally I’d prefer working carts but I would also look for some sort of flash option to bypass having to spend way too much money for rare games I had as a kid but could never afford or track down again.  I won’t say I’d go for a full set because there’s spares documentation on what that would entail, but I wouldn’t say no to any games I came across, even some varients.  I would also be interested in some, but certainly not all, accessories and upgrades.

 

Mattel Intelivision

I would skip this entirely. It’s, to me at least, just a VCS clone with less interesting software and a terrible controller. I don’t even care for it’s historical importance, it’s useless to me.

 

Atari Super System

This is one I struggle with. It looks cool, has an interesting history and does have better looking games than it’s VCS counterpart, however, it has hardly any true exclusives and none of the games on it that exist elsewhere can’t be had in a better form. In other words if I bought one it would just be an oddity that I don’t really do anything with.

 

Colecovision

Hard pass. See above.

 

Nintendo Entertainment System

Let me be clear. This is supposing I am beyond rich. As in money is no object and I don’t have to take price into account just buy what I want. In that context I would still only ever collect for the North American officially licensed RETAIL market list. I would be selective about which cart varient I bought but I would still be cart only no boxes or manuals. The ONLY unlicensed games I would consider, and not even all just the ones that interest me, are the Tengen games. Everything it MUST be licensed AND have been sold at retail. No mail aways or rental exclusives or Action 52 crap.  I would also go all in on accessories.

 

Sega Master System

Much like the NES, SMS I would also try to go for a mostly full retail set along with some hardware varients and accessories.  However unlike NES, with SMS I would be open to buying games from Brazil or Japan only in addition to NA, but not PAL stuff.

 

Atari ProSystem

No. I could consider just another Atari VCS varient but this device is garbage I wouldn’t want contaminating my living space.

 

Turbo Grafix-16

Most likely not. There are at most maybe ten total games for the entire console I’d care about, including the useless CD add on. but I would maybe intersted in the TurboExpress just as an oddity if nothing else and a handful of games to go with it. Otherwise very low interest in this unit.

 

Sega Genesis

100 percent complete everything. All official hardware models including 3rd party varients like the Ex’Eye, every NA NTSC retail release licensed or otherwise, the Japan and Brazil exclusives that have English text options, every accessory, including 3rd party stuff like the Interactor, etc. I am ALL IN on the Genesis.

 

Super Nintendo

Absolutely. Like NES and Sega I want everything. Unlike NES, I also want unlicense stuff and yes even SOME aftermarket and homebrew stuff. When it comes to SNES I want it all.

 

Sega CD and 32X

Yes, all varients and models, all games but not the non game software. Sega CD I would want games in cases but manuals and artwork optional. 32X cart only.  But none of the 32X CD stuff.

 

NEO GEO

hard pass. Same with the CD version. I would consider getting an arcade cabinet but never the home console stuff.

 

3DO

Yes and no. Yes to a couple of models but ONLY with the MPEG upgrade and ONLY as a Video CD player for my media and electronics collection, NOT as a video game console.

 

Sega Saturn

I would but with a couple of limitations. First Saturn exclusives ONLY. That means if a game is on Playstation, 32X, or Sega CD I get it on them, NOT on the Saturn. The exceptions are the various Virtua Fighters and Sonic 3D Blast, duh. I would consider some accessories and games must be in cases but I don’t need manuals or artwork. I would pass on the network stuff though and probably the RAM upgrade.

 

Playstation

Kinda. I would buy a couple varients of the machine, including the tiny model, but games I would be extra selective over. I won’t make any hard rules just not everything and only stuff I might be interested in. Must include the case and artwork but manuals optional.

 

N64

I would get the base unit no RAM upgrade. A handful of no more than 30 games, one of each matching controler to the base color, no varients. cart only no manuals or boxes. No sports, wrestling or games I can get elsewhere.

 

Sega Dreamcast

I go back and forth on this. I have zero interest in the damn machine, littler to no interest in the games and I despise nearly everything about it. As much as I love Sega, this is the black spot on their entire existence I can’t easily overcome. However I think my official answer is never. I hate this pile of useless overrated sewer filth too much to bring it into my life.

 

PS2

console and some accessories but very selective library. games must be in cases with art but manuals optional.

 

Nintendo GameCube

Yes 100 percent all in everything. Games with cases and manuals. all accessories and upgrades. Every varient and color. All the controllers to match. All the GBA stuff to go with it all. Everything.

 

Xbox family

Nothing. Never. none of it.

 

Nintendo Wii

Just the base console and a HANDFUL of important games and that’s it.

 

Wii U

All models, all colors, all games but only games with a physical US retail release. Must be complete in box.

 

PS3

I already own one but sure I could get some varients and more games but I won’t go crazy with it

 

PS4

This is one I want not everything but as much as I can get without going nuts. Not interested in varients or digital only games so I would stick to games witha  physical release that aren’t always on or require updates. I would prefer games in the case with artwork but case and disc only is acceptable.

 

PS5

Not interested.

 

As I am only discussing consoles and not handhelds that is where this list ends. Nothing newer than this. Handhelds will be a seperate list. Stay cool.

You will often hear three entirely different stories online about who gets credit for inventing video games. It sounds like a simple cut and dry answer, who did it first? But it’s not so simple because you have to look beyond WHAT was done and look at WHY it was done. There were SEVERAL court cases that ultimate COULD NOT determine WHO invented video games because the answer is NOT so simple.

Story 1 suggests some studentds at a University fiddling with a PDP-1 and an Oscilliscope invented video games because they made Computer Space. Except this is not true. That was a computer SIMULATION, not a game. It had no objective and there were no points, no goals,no end, no rules it was just a proof of concept tech demo at best. NOT a video game, or interactive TV game as it was originally called at the time. It was a computer displaying graphcis that the USER could control, but that’s it. Oh and less than 60 people in the WORLD even used it at the time so yeah that doesn’t count.

Story 2, Ralph Baer Invented the Odysee for Maganvox and that is the first video game. Well also still not entirely accurate. YES like Computer Space, it displayed graphics on a TV screen the USER could manipulate, that was ALL it did. It still required a clear plastic overlay to TELL the user how they COULD move the single pixel curser and again it had NO objective, no points, no rules no “gameplay” and thus was NOT the first video game. It was the first interactive TV PROGRAM, I guess, but decidedly NOT a “video game” by any definition we would use today, Sure you COULD keep score of your goals, but YOU had to do that on paper, the program didn’t do that itself.

CORRECTION” Baer DID hold SOME patents but not on inventing “video games” entirely.

Story 3, Nolen Bushnell created the first video game with Space War, a more playable and more commercial viable version of Computer Space that didn’t require the use of the expensive PDP-1 but could run on less expensive hardware. Of course this is also not entirely accurate as Space War was a tech demo that Bushnell quickly discovered was TOO complex for the user and he shelved it in favor of a simple table tennis game he called PONG because it was a virtual Ping Pong game and the sound it made when the pixel hit the paddel.

It is FAR more accurate to say that the university students laid the FOUNDATION of what COULD be a video game, Baer invented an electronic device that RESEMBLED what would become a video game and Bushnell created the first TRUE video game in Pong. It was self contained. It was programable. it had defined rules, an objective, a goal and it kept score internally in the machine. By ALL defintions of what we would today call a “video game” PONG was the TRUE first.

That doesn’t mean we dismiss the work that LED to the development of PONG. We certainly owe Ralph Baer a debt of gratitude for his invention and he deserves his FOOTNOTE in the story but we need to stop pretending like PONG wasn’t the first when it WAS, nor that Bushnell deserves credit because he was an oprtunistic capitalist because they ALL were. Sure Pong LOOKS like the Odyssee on the surface, but it is still slightly more advanced AND it is a proper “game” not JUST a moving dot on  the screen.

I purposefully didn’t bring up Tennis for 2 because that was ALSO just a science experiment and ALSO NOT a full game just a computer simulation. just thought I would throw that out there because my issue with it is the same as Magnavox, you can’t PLAY an entire game without outside assistance because it just moveds the dot back and forth, there is no timer or score card or anything else. It’s literally just a tech demo, a science experiment done in a lab that only a HANDFUL of people ever even saw.

Nolan Bushnell took all the PIECES others before him laid out and put them together into the first TRUE, and PROPER video game that we could recognize today. All the other stories are half true but missing the KEY component that makes a “game” a game,  you can dislike Atari all you want but at the end of the day it is PONG that STARTED the video game industry, even if not technically the first device some might call a video game. Did he INVENT the video game, debatable, but he did CREATE the video game INDUSTRY, undeniable.

I have always had one major unavoidable problem when it comes to content creation and my interests. That is to say my interests are so varied that I often find myself pursuing certain projects towards one specific interest at the detriment of others then I end up losing interest and starting a new project focused on something else entirely.

This is why I have at least a half a dozen YouTube channels. I tried to keep all my different interests and topics organized into their own channels so not to confuse my audience and instead I ended up basically neglecting all channels because I got burned out too fast. I know I would be better just focusing on one or two projects at a time but my brain is a thunderstorm inside of a hurricane on top of a rollercoaster on the side of a volcano. Focusing on one things has never been my strong suit.

I don’t want to stop making content in the pursuit of my varied interests but I also don’t want to try to maintain multiple YouTube channels to keep up with everything. I have considered consolidating everything back into my primary channel  While I have yet to fully commit to doing this I have essentially stop uploading new videos to all of my off channels except for the two I want to focus on. My primary vlog, and my Minecraft channel.

The thing is I don’t want to stop doing horror reviews or toy topics, I just don’t want to push those onto separate channels anymore. I know I will have a harder time cultivating a sizable, focused audience if my content gets too broad, but having worked in the news and entertainment business professionally I think that is a false narrative some YouTubers push. Sure a focused channel does well for a narrow audience, but you still limit your total audience by doing that. I am not saying I have the secret to sucess on YouTube, but I should also point out my goal has always been to produce videos for me, not the algorithm so I never bother to take the Google code into account when making topics. Sometimes I try to maintain some consistency but the truth is I always wanted my channel to be like this blog and my podcast before it, an open ended free for all to share all of my interests. As such I don’t care if the Youtube Ai gods punish me for not playing by their rules. I’ll just keep making videos on topics that interest me and damn the algorithm.

A list of the 25 movies I hate more than anything else

1 Titanic

2 The People Under The Stairs

3 The Shining

4 Father of the Bride

5 You’ve Got Mail

6 Spaceballs

7 Iron Man

8 Signs

9 Big Business

10 Annie

11 My Stepmother is an Alien

12 Adventures in Babysitting

13 Halloween

14 Mrs. Doubtfire

15 Ghost

16 Footloose

17 Top Gun

18 The Blues Brothers

19 Happy Gilmore

20 When Harry Met Sally

21 My Girl

22 Carrie

23 The Lost World Jurassic Park

24 Clerks 2

25 Arachnophobia

Just a quick Top 100 favorite movies but not ranked. A ranked list could be down the road.

1 Star Wars

2 The Empire Strikes Back

3 Return of the Jedi

4 A Nightmare on Elm Street

5 A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors

6 A Nightmare on Elm Street 4 The Dream Master

7 Gremlins

8 Ghostbusters

9 Back to the Future

10 The Terminator

11 Terminator 2

12 Terminator 3

13 Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest

14 Robocop

15 The Mask

16 Dumb and Dumber

17 Texas Chain Saw Massacre

18 House of 1000 Corpses

19 The Ring

20 Last House on the Left

21 The Fifth Element

22 ID4

23 Tremors

24 X-Men 2

25 The Avengers

26 Avengers Age of Ultron

27 Kick ass

28 The Faculty

29 She’s All That

30 Can’t Hardly Wait

31 10 Things I Hate About You

32 Aliens

33 Demolition Man

34 True Lies

35 Total Recall

36 Kick Ass

37 The Goonies

38 The Lost Boys

39 Lethal Weapon

40 Lethal Weapon 2

41 The Evil Dead 1981

42 The Evil Dead 2013

43 The Cabin in the Woods

44 Aeon Flux

45 Elektra

46 Tales From The Hood

47 Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

48 Transformers 2007

49 Bumblebee

50 Mr. Mom

51 A Christmas Story

52 Christmas Vacation

53 Mean Girls

54  Fargo

55 Mallrats

56 Chasing Amy

57 Clerks

58 The Matrix

59 Hellraiser

60 Child’s Play

61 Weird Science

62 Labyrinth

63 Hudson Hawk

64 Short Circuit

65 The Breakfast Club

66 Friday the 13th 3D

67 Freddy vs. Jason

68 Batman

69 Batman Forever

70 The Dark Knight

71 The Great Outdoors

72 Nothing But Trouble

73 Home Alone

74 Little Monsters 1989

75 Abigal

76 Pearl

77 Oculus

78 Pitch Black

79 Ghost World

80 Being John Malkovich

81 Pleasantville

82 Killer Klowns From Outerspace

83 Return of the Living Dead

84 Ghostbusters 2

85 Bad Boys

86 Men In Black

87 Friday

88 Stand By Me

89 Pet Semetary

90 Maximum Overdrive

91 The Exorcist

92 Jurassic Park

93 Spider-Man

94 Fantastic Four 2005

95 The Virgin Suicides

96 Pirates of the Caribbean At World’s End

97 Pumpkinhead

98 976-Evil

99 Commando

100 WarGames

I often tell people who ask about my spiritual practice today that I am a chaos witch. I don’t usually go into details what that means to me but I will say that I have dabbled in different practices over the years.

The earliest forms of witchcraft I remember trying were just simple spells I read about in books I found at the library. Encantations and simple prayers to various Pagan gods, the fey or other spirital beings. By the time I was seven years old I was already learning to read cards, use runes and even crafted my own ouja board. By the time I was 12 I had shifted to necromancy. I used to go into graveyards late at night by myself and make attempts to talk to the spirits hanging out there. Sometimes I would get a few faint whispers, sometimes I would get flashes or images of foggy beings but nobody ever really spoke to me during those sessions.

I took a short break from witchcraft during my teen years when I was pursuing a Christian religious practice. By the time I was in my 30s I had converted to Catholicsm where I could be far more spiritual than as a Baptists while still claiming to be Christian. A few years ago I decided to give up pretending to be Christian altogether and settle on becoming fully Pagan.

Since that time I have learnt moon magic, mirrir magic, tarot, candle magic, spells of will and intetion, and yes I have even done some encantations and rituals designed to tame demons. I maintain a somewhat working relationship with several Pagan deities, but my closest relationship in that real is with the Celtic Goddess, Brigid, whom I idtentify as my Mother Goddess. I did a very speciific ritual inviting guidance from any spiritual forces willing to answer my call. She was the first to come to me and agree to be my guide. Since then I have had a rocky relationship with her but we maintain a strong mother-daughter situation. Yes, we fight from time to time like real life mothers and their daughters do but we always make up.

There are some types of witchcraft I am more inclinded to try than others, but I think it is safe to say I don’t rely entirely on any single practice. I don’t even always have a defined goal when I attempt to use the supernaturl forces of the universe. Sometimes, I’m just trying to see what happens. One thing I will say is no matter what you believe, never let anyone tell you that you can’t do what you want. Even if you end up making mistakes, tell people they are your mistakes to make and that you will learn from them. Your practice, your faith, your craft is yours. Nobody has any right to interfere with that.

I know there will come a time when I bring myself to describe some of the encounters I have had with what I believe to be spiritual forces over the years. I have had plenty to share. Instead I wanted to ponder a few more definitive ones that left a lasting impression on me.

I became fascinated with witchcraft at an early age. I couldn’t tell you for sure how early but I know that my earliest memories I have include me having at least some interest in magic. Not illusions but the magic you read about in fantasy novels and experience in games of Dungeons and Dragons. In fact it was my obsession with magic that drew me to D&D in the first place.

I don’t want to describe the encounter in vivid details, at least not yet. My earliest memory that I think involved a spiritual entitity, probably a ghost, was when I was in Kindergarten. It was just this dead mutilated cat that would appear to me in the distance from time to time. It was really just the head of the cat and it’s fron paws. I could clearly see it’s body was severed by the bloody entrails where the rest of it’s body should have been. I saw this dead cat ghost several times in my life. It was never in the same place either. Since we moved around a lot it would always just appear off in the distance, usually in the bushes or tall grass. Sometimes I would see it under a bed or sitting on top of a fence in the countryside.

The earliest I remember seeing it I was six years old and in Kindergartent. It was half burdied under some leaves beneath the merry go round at the playground of my elementary school. It appeared to me days before I met the ghost of a little boy who had fallen down the stairs years before my time. That boy only appeared to me once but it was enough to scare the living daylights out of me.

The last time I remember seeing the cat was when I was about 16 years old. It was sort of sitting off in the distance during a thunderstorm where I saw, what I am certain to be a demon, eating some wild animals in my backyard. I never saw that cat’s imagery ever again. I realistically couldn’t tell you how many times I encountered it over the years. I have a few different memories but I am sure it might have been there a few times I probably wasn’t paying too close attention. Either way, I never new where it came from or what it wanted from me. I do remember it had softly glowing yellow eyes and blood in it’s fangs. It never made a sound, it just sort of glared at me from time to time.

The wind howls again making every board in the dusty old trailer house creak yet again. While the storm rages outside stirring up terrible sounds, inside the house is dead silent. Everyone is sleeping peacefully through another round of Midwestern Great Plains thunderstorms. That is except for one troubled soul who was woken up by an unseen force calling to her.

I was 11 years old. I walked down the hallway from my bedroom towards the empty living room while my family slept in their beds, oblivious to the whispers calling to me. Hanging there on the wall just before I entered the safety of the living room, my comfort zone, was this painting. It was an old painting. Some western scene. A borded up old rustic house in the middle of the dessert. I never asked my parents where it came from or who painted it. I just knew there was something living inside it;.

I would be lying if I said I could picture the entire painting vividly in my aging mind. What I do remember is a foggy image of that rustic house in the dessert, in the yard next to the house was a small pond and in the dead center of the pond was an old timey wagon wheel. I do remember the wagon wheel was faded. I know this to be the case because my sisters and I talked about that faded wheel on many occassions. I wasn’t the only one who claimed to see a faded, foggy figure hiding in that rustic old western house from time to time. It never took a solid, recognizable shape. Just a faint pair of eyes hiding behind these dark, brown bangs.

I never saw a fully defined face in that painting. Just a faint outline of the shape of a face in the shadows. It wasn’t visible during the day. My sisters each claimed to have seen it at least once in their lives. This particular night was different. It was the same as always, faint barely visible outline of a face hiding in the window of the house. But where normally the eyes were just a barely visible shadow, tonight they were glowing dark red. Not bright, blood red you see in the movies when filmmakers try to depict demonic forces, it was a dark red more akin to the color of a dusty brick wall. At least that is sorta how I remember it.

What made this night different wasn’t just the eyes being more clearly visible, but the shadowy face was also more defined than I had ever seen it before. It was clearly a little girl wearing overalls and an old straw hat. She had the same dark bangs as always but this time I could see her hair draping down the side of her face. I knew this was very definitively my first verifiable solid encoutner with a ghost or spirit.

I knew it was real because it was whispering to me. It wasn’t using my deadname, nor was it saying the name I had internalized for myself. It was more an impression of myself. I can’t really explain how I knew it was calling specifically to me other than a very strong feeling. I stared deep into it’s evil looking red eyes as the intangible whispers continued. It’s, or maybe her, mouth, never moved. It wasn’t audible in my ears the way a person’s whisper would be either just a faint impression in my mind. I didn’t say a word. I just stared at it, frozen in fear. I wasn’t able to bring myself to ask the spirit what it wanted. I just mustered my own audible whisper. “Leave me alone, go away.”

That was the last time I ever saw any anomolies in that haunted painting. I am certain I was awake because I remember stubbing my toe on a toy truck I hadf left in the hall on my way back to my bedroom.  That night I had dreams of ghosts. I knew it was whoever she was not consiously, or rather subconciously, but again just an impression in my soul. She lifted my spirit out of my body and took me into the clouds. She showed me visions I couldn’t make sense of at the time. Looking back on it over the years, I don’t honestly think I ever could make sense of them. Not even today as I sit here recalling the images. What I do remember is the rest of the dream.

She took me back down from the clouds and into this video arcade that was nearby where we lived. Inside the arcade the machines were playing themselves. Not in their default attract mode as was their programming, but it was like invisible players were playing every game simultaneously. Slowly a song began to play on the jukebox in the game room. I can still hear that haunting melody in my mind from time to time. As the song began to increase in volume so did the appearances of the ghosts that were in the room playign the different video games. There was a couple playing pool. There were a coule of kid ghosts running around the adjacent laundrymat next door. What scared me the most were the formless ghosts flying around the room humming along to the tune of that song that was now overpowering my senses.

I remember waking up the next morning from that nightmare not screaming from the frightening images I had seen but crying. I was sad because the song playing in the air was sad and I could tell those ghosts were also sad. To this day I never really told anyone else this story. It was a haunting night I remember in my own faded memories. I want to be clear this is not a story of fiction from a horror writer. This is an absolutely true event that I never knew how to unpack until tonight. I still don’t know what that little girl ghost was trying to tell me. The only thing I remember for certain from her was the image she showed me as a girl myself. I had known I was trans long before this night but it was the first time I ever felt any hope in my heart that I could some day live my life as the girl I was born to be. I don’t know if that was what her intention was or even who she was but I will never forget her. Whoever she is, I hope she has found peace in the afterlife by now. At the very least I wish to honor her for showing me things that, while terrifying, I think I needed to see.