Month: January 2026

Cats versus dogs. It’s a timeless debate some in our society seem to place far too much importance upon for some reason.  There is more to it than just being a simple question, depending on who is asking. When an American male asks are you a cat person or a dog person, what they are really asking is are you masculine or feminine. You see there is this perception in American society that dogs are for males and cats are for females. Furthermore they believe, especially the toxic masculines, that males who prefer cats are either weak, or gay. Yet women who like dogs or cats don’t seem to have their sexuality called into question regardless of which answer they provide. I never understood this.

Then there are those who answer both or neither. Both can be an acceptable answer, depending again on the gender of the person giving the answer. Again for some reason if a woman says she likes both, nobody seems to care. If a man says both, then they usually have to immediately follow it up with their parner, or child, likes cats so they’re just trying to be a good partner or parent depending on their situation. This seems to be midly acceptable to most yet still can garner judgement still.

What about those who say neither? Well this is where things can really get complicated depending on whatever responses come next. If a male says neither and responds with they like reptiles or fish, mostly acceptable. If they say they prefer birds there is a whole new set of judgements getting past onto them, usually accusations of insanity or some similar ilk. If they say things like hamsters or horses, well more worms getting opened. Rodents have similar negative connotations as cats and birds, usually accusations of homosexuality, femininity or insanity. A male can say they like horses if they are a cowboy and clarify they ride horses for sport but if they keep them as pets, that can causes raised eyebrows yet again.

In yet another example of double standards, regardless of what answer a female American gives usually garners far fewer judgments. Girls can like birds, fish, rodents, dogs, cats, horses, ponies or most warm blooded pets but she could receive harsh judgement and criticsm if she says she likes reptiles. You see in American society boys are allowed to like reptiles but girls are supposed to be afraid of them or some such nonesense. Neither gender is permited to suggest their preferred pets are insectoid or arachnids at all. That brings a whole new set of judgments not of being insane, but of being too intellectual or nerdy.

I find it entirely pointless that American society places so much meaning behind what type of pets a person claims to be drawn to. I know there are far more important things in our society we could be focused on than what pet one prefers but this is just another area where there is some unseen force placing undue pressure on everyone to give the correct answer, whatever that may be. I couldn’t care less myself. I’m fairly open to nearly all sorts of pets except reptiles, bugs and horses. Dogs I am iffy on but not entirely against. But my answer will always be cats.

Every writer to have ever lived has had the same common foe: the blank page. We each develop our own strategies to how we slay said beast yet every writer will tell you their individual method is fool proof and try to pass it off as definitive. We’re all wrong, of course, what works for me might not be feesible for your brain, depending on how it is wired. There is one prompt, however, every writer is told when we are learning our craft from those who came before us, write about what you know about.

While I was in college I had to write a ton of crap about things I had zero knowledge of and even elss interest in. While write what you know sounds good, in theory, let me tell you as a former professional journalist, sometimes you have to get to know something in a hurry, and as such you never fully become an expert in that subject, you just learn enough to do the job and move on to the next project. Things move pretty fast in the breaking news cycle so your constantly learning, and immediately forgetting so much useless crap that it starts to make you feel like you never get to actually wring about the things you do know, like your professors kept saying.

So here I am writing about what I do know about. That is myself. This isn’t just an opportunity to jot down my own thoughts on what writing means to me, although I can clearly see it going in that direction. I also want to kinda of use this as a chance to talk about a few things I am familiar with that I probably wouldn’t do so otherwise.

The first thing I want to get off my chest is the false narrative surrounding the importance of proper grammar. Sure in my English classes the professors insisted grammar was essential to good writing. Yet in my Linguistics class my professor proved, time and again, how false that notion truly was. The common example English nerds use is “We’re gaving grandma for supper” versus “we’re having grandma, for supper.” they argue that placing the comma in the wrong spot would confuse the reader into thinking the familer were cannibals. Yet my Lingustics professor pointed out that based on context clues, even without the so-called correct placement of the comma, the context dictates that nobody would read that sentence and immediately assume cannibalism. Obviously this is a single example grammar nerds use but there are surely others. Even when I was still in college I hard to learn MLA style APA style and AP style. If you are not familiar with AP style, that is Associated Press, they are less interested in correct punctuation and grammar as they are more about concise thoughts. The idea is newspapers used to have to pay for ink so they wanted to minimize the charatcers put to page to reduce the cost of going to press. This led to the development of a semi formal but casual, readable gramma that, technically more correct than spoken vernacular, is still not what English professors would call “proper” by any stretch. Of course these days everything is written with digital in mind so the ink cost is no longer a factor.  I guess my point is focus more on clarity than so called rules. If the reader is confused, in our world of instant feedback, they will surely let you know in which case you can provide additional clarity if needed, or edit the article to rectify said perceived wrongs. The point is write what you know and don’t worry if it is English school textbook correct or now. Because at the end of the day, nobody cares.

When  I first started what later became this site it really just started out as a directionless blog. It’s gone through a few domain name changes from thespiderslair to theretrowitch to its current state but the core blog underneath has remained the same ever since I was still in college.

I find myself returning to a desire to just blog about random stuff these days rather than trying to maintain any semblence of a purpose. I rebranded it a few times while trying to focus the types of topics I wrote about, yet each time I always ended up using it as a simple blog. So that is what I am doing today. Partially I am wide ass awake at 2:18 in the morning on what is now a Sunday. I am also partially trying to organize and process my thoughts on a few things that have been on my mind lately. I suppose there is also a part of me that is just bored.

I am not sure exactly what I want to write about. Sometimes I have a skeleton plan before I start typing and other times I just start putting down words and see where it goes. This is one of those times. I don’t really have a plan, I just want to be typing, I guess in a way just for the sake of it.

I have tried to maintain some remnants of my training as a professional journalist over the years. I’ve tried to do some newsy type stuff here on this site while also doing some newscast type stuff on my various Youtube channels. Like many bipolar souls out there. I often find myself victim of the racing thoughs. That is to say dozens of random thoughts popping into my brain all at once. I guess this is just as good a way to get them out of my head as any other method. I could be listening to music but that doesn’t appeal to me right now.

I remember one of my ealiest articles I wrote for an earlier version of this site was a passionate retrospective on Code Red Mountain Dew. I remember it well because the news editor I worked for at the time read it and told me he wished I would be as passionate about writing city hall stories as I was writing about soda pop. I eventually did become more invested in that stuff during my time as a professional journalist but these days I have to say my interest in any sort of politics is not what it used to be.

Even though this site has lasted through several domain name changes and rebrandings, going back over a dacade and a half at this point, it’s far from the first online space I tried to make my home for my random thoughts. Let’s just say I have had dozens of blogs, websites and online profiles over the years where I could put down my thoughts. This one has easily lasted longer than any of those and for that reason I guess it holds a special place in my heart.

I made my very first website all the way back in 1999 when I was 16 years old and still in high school. It was a half assed project I coded by hand entirely in html for a Publications class I was taking at the time. Remember back then computers were still just taking off and the web was still fairly new. This was before the infamous dot-com bubble. My high school was offering a class in basic web design because they claimed it was the key to future employment in the changing world. They weren’t entirely correct about that. Sure in the early days of the world wide web it required some knowledge of HTML and computer savvy but it really didn’t take the tech industry long to realize they be better served developing user friendly do-it-yourself low cost webkits rather than paying web designers higher wages to do it professionally. Once local mom and pop shops learned they could make a decent website themselves using these new low cost tools instead of paying freelance web designers like myself, well that market dried up in a hurry.  Sure the larger corporations learned they needed more functionality in their sites than a template could provide, but by and large that lucrative future coding websites I was promised never really materialized. At least not for those who didn’t take the time to learn to code apps instead. Thanks a lot Apple.

Whatever. I never intented to make a career out of making websites. Sure, like countless others my generation who were duped into learning web design I tried to make the next big website. Until the devestating dot-com bubble burst and we all realize that dream was dead on arrival. Oh well, you live and learn as they say. Yet it didn’t take long before I realize I wasn’t making websites in any attempt to turn them into a profitable venture, well except for a couple but those were related to business I was involved offline too. I really always just wanted a place to put down my thoughts while honing my writing skills at the same time. Obviously this served me well as I worked for nearly a decade as a paid writer before leaving the news business behind. One thing it did do was push me to finish writing my first novel until I could get it published. I have since published two more novels so I guess it was a good investment in my time.

I’m not really sure what the purpose of this place is anymore. I have largely turned to vlogging on Youtube as a means of saying the things I want to say these days. Yet as a writer it is hard coded in my DNA to want to put words to paper, even if it is digital paper I suppose. Like this websites own identity changes over the years my own interests change often enough that I don’t really get too invested in any one thing for too long. I guess that is my nature. One of my former editors once said a writers knowledge base runs a mile wide and an inch deep. I think he was right.

I am facing a crossroads in my life I am not entirely sure how to process. I have had a tremendous amount of good times enjoying the comic book and superhero boom in Hollywood for the past few decades yet I am starting to find myself losing near total interest in all upcomig comic book related movies. I know it isn’t a lack of interest in the characters or stories, because I am still reading comics, buying toys of comic book characters and still semi-regularly playing comic book related video games. Yet I find myself at a near complete zero interest in regards to the films these days.

I should point out it isn’t the entire genre, if you wanna call it that, that I have lost nearly all interest in. I still very consistently re-watch my favorite comic book and superhero movies on a regular basis. I just find myself burnt out on keeping up with all the new stuff. Now this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. The decade leading up to the official launch of what became the MCU had an over abundance of comic book related films too. I found myself immediately extremely excited for the constant barrage of new comic based movies getting fed to me all the time. Then right before the actual MCU started I just dropped off and lost nearly all interest. I didn’t watch any of the X-Men or Spider-Man films post those initial trilogies until several years later.

The same things happend with Batman and even the lesser known stuff that was getting released. Sure I saw Daredevil when it was first brought to home media and I even watched Elektra in theaters. But there quickly became far more comic book movies to keep track of than I was reasonably capable of doing so at that time. Then the Dark Knight hit immediately followed by the full on MCU. I was quickly drawn back in. It was right around the time of Avengers Endgame that I started to lose interest again. I watched a few of the DCEU stuff and the first couple of post-Endgame MCU projects before burn out really kicked in.

The thing is I still fully enjoy the comic book movies I watch even after the fact, yet I just can’t seem to bring myself to get excited enough to watch any of them when they are still in theaters or even immediately after coming home. Despite Batman being my favorite superhero and actually enjoying Suicide Squad more than most, I still haven’t brought myself to watch The Batman. I know I would probally really like it, yet I just can’t sit down and put it on even though I have it on DVD and digital in my private collection. Yeah, I own it in two different formats and I still haven’t seen it. I can’t figure out why this is.

It’s the same thing with the new Superman and Fantastic Four movies. From what I have seen, I am sure I’d enjoy them. Yet I just can’t make myself load them up and press play. I am not sure why this is. I know I am burnt out. I also know, from past experience, I will probably rekindle my fire for these sooner or later. I just can’t seem to get excited for things that once brought me so much joy.

As I take a step back and look at everything in my life, I am in my early 40’s at this point, I find there are several other areas of my life I used to have a strong interest in that I find myself just less so these days. I am sure some of that is my approaching middle aged. Yet I still harbor strong feelings of passion for many of these things, including comic books and comic based movies. I don’t get excited for new movies, but I still passionately discuss my favorite comic based films. I even binge the four main Avengers films at least once a month, so I know I still emjoy revisting these outlandish worlds. I guess I am either getting burnt out, or getting older. Either way it’s actually kinda discouraging. I know I want to enjoy things, but I find it is getting harder to do so.

Comic books. Science fiction. Horror. Video games. These are just some of the things I am extremely passionate about. When it comes to these specific interests they are all interconnected. My interests in each goes beyond just their core or base medium as well. I have an interest in comic book video games, toys, action figures, props, movies and more. Same with science fiction and horror. These are my primary overlapping interest though and I kinda see them all as interconnected equally.

Naturally when it comes to video games my interest runs deeper than just the games themselves or even the hardware systems they run on. It also extends into computers in more ways than I can accurately explain. Now these are not my only interest or hobbies but they are by far the most prolific in my liufe. This isn’t about me pin-pointing where these interest came from nor entirely how they intersect. Rather I just wanted to kinda ramble about them for a bit and see where my thoughts go.

Video games I have written about extensively. Despite my disparaging comments in recent times regarding Nintendo and Xbox, I actually don’t have any die hard loyalty, nor disloyalty for that matter, to any company or platform. When it comes to video games my interests are far from complete, to be sure, but they are quite extensive. I am interested in console games, handheld games, computer games, PC games, arcade games and even plug n play TV games. Frankly there are very few video game related products I don’t have at least a passing interest in, if not a down right obsession. This includes movies, comic books, cartoons and toys based on video games. Just like comic books, my interests in video games runs quite deep indeed.

Then there is science fiction. While this one is very similar to the others, it’s also the most unique in some respects. Obviously a significant portion of the video games and comic books I am interest easily fall under the sci fi umbrella in some capacity. When it comes to science fiction movies and TV shows, however, this is where things get complicated.

I have close to zero interest in Star Trek TV shows. I have a much stronger affinity for Star Trek novels and comic books and a slightly stronger interest in some of the films than the shows but overall my interest in Star Trek is rather shallow. I do have a considerably stronger interest in Star Trek toys, vehicles and memorabelia than I do the shows themselves, including video games ironically. I don’t fully know what my aversion to the shows are when I actually am more than fascinated by the mythos itself. I think it comes down to finding most episodes I’ve seen to be rather boring, whereas the anciliarry media is not as boring, especially the novels. While I fall asleep at nearly every attempt to watch more than a single eepisode of any Star Trek tv show, I can get deeply engrossed in the novels without batting an eye. So I know it isn’t the aesthetic or the mythology I am averse. Whatever.

Star Wars is an entirely different beast. Although if I am being completely honest, despite most Star Wars TV shows only coming into existence in the past decade, I guess I similarly have a low interest in Star Wars TV as I do Star Trek. Especially the animated stuff. I did enjoy the first few episodes of the Mandilorian then lost interest rather suddenly. The rest of the Disney+ Star Wars has just flown by me without even registering on my radar. However litereally everything else related to Star Wars, with exceedingly few exceptions, I have an extremely strong interest. Comics, video games, toys, action figures, vehicles, playsets, Lego, Micro Machines, minis, books novels, kids books, story books, computer games and software, role play toys and props, costumes, etc. If I am being completely honest, outside of a severe drought in interest regarding the TV shows, nearly everything else even marginally Star Wars related I am all in. Especially toys, video games and novels.

Now that I think about it I think I am beginning to realize that it’s science fiction TV in general that I have a lacking of interest in. I was passively interest in Doctor Who briefly during the 10th Doctor’s stint then I sort of lost interest rather suddenly. Other than that, I would say there are very few science fiction TV shows I do find interesting. Again, despite a strong lack of interest in, or damn near aversion to, animation in many regards, I think I am more drawn to science fiction cartoons than live action shows, ironically. I am not quite sure why this is. Again it isn’t for lack of interest. By all acounts I should be obsessed with Star Trek, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, etc. TV shows, yet I more often than not, find them to be boring at best or disinteresting most of the time. Something I never really considered.

Movies on the other hand. Well let’s just say that, again, with a few exceptions, I am very strongly drawn to sci fi films. Not every single sci fi film, mind you, but easily more sci fi movies find their way into my lexicon than nearly any other genre, especially when you take sci fi/horror and sci fi/comedy into account. I mean things like Back to the Future and Men in Back. Naturally I have a fairly strong interest, unhealthily some might say, in comic book based movies and those more often than not are some sort of sci fi or at the very least sci fi adhacent. So I absolutely have an extremely strong interest in science ficiton as a genre and even a concept. It’s just the TV shows I guess I find less compelling for, some reason.

When it comes to comic books I would like to say my interest are quite varied. While I do, as with many comic book fans, fall deeply into the superhero rabit hole, for sure, I also enjoy a large number of non-superhero comics as well. Things like DuckTales, Donald Duck, Archie, Sonic, Scooby Doo, Simpsons, Garfield, Transformers, Star Wars, Star Trek, horror comics, fairy tales, D&D, and frankly too many to list here. Yeah I will admit my comic book consumption does include probably more Marvel and DC superhero fare than anything else, to be sure, but I think my overall interest in comics as a medium is fairly robuts. I even like some romance type comics.

Now this is where I think my previous assumptions are going to fall apart. While science fiction TV in general tends to bore me, comic book based TV shows, live action and animated, quite often get me very excited. I have enjoyed dozens of comic book based shows ranging from Transformers, GI Joe, TMNT, X-Men, Batman, Gotham, The CW DCverse, Riverdale, Lois and Clark the New Adventures of Superman, etc. I think the opposite is true when it comes to tv shows, even animated ones, based on my favorite comics are concerned. I find myself very deeply invested in nearly every comic book based show I dive into. There are, obviously exceptions, but I would say that when it comes to TV shows, if it is based on a comic book property I am interested in, I guess I am more likely to give it a chance than any other science fiction property, for some reason. Of course I watch more sitcoms than anything so it is what it is.

Then there are toys and action figures. Again, on the surface it would be obvious that I have a strong interest in toys, action figures, props and collectibles from movies, video games, sci fi and horror stuff I am already interested in. While this is certainly true, in fact, I also find myself deeply interest in dozens of toys and action figure properties and lines that don’t have any first appearance in those other mediums. For example while yes I am fascinated and deeply interest in collection toys from TMNT, Marvel and DC comics properties, I am also interested in He-Man, Barbie, Monster High, Simpsons, Street Sharks, Skeleton Warriors,. Neca, Funco Pops, and far, far more toylines than I could ever accurately list here. But it goes beyond dolls, action figures, vehicles and playsets. I am also interested in Hot Wheels, Matchbox, Lego, plushies, dolls, stuffed animals, Lite Brite, Easy Bake oven, yoyo, Mr. Potato Head, Simon, board games, card games, Speak N Spell, Etch A Sketch, and many others. I’m even interest in basic stuff like Play Doh, Slinkee, squirt guns and even generic random toys like plastic guns, phones, and the like.

Going a step further there is horror. Like science fiction, my interest goes beyond just horror as a setting or genre. Also, like comic books, for whatever reason I can easy find myself getting deeply invested in  horror TV far easier than sci fi, which is really mind boggling to me because I really do love sci fi. Horror is one of the most prolific though. Like the above stuff, my interest go far beyond just movies and TV shows. I am also fascinated by horror toys, action figures, props and collectibles. Physical copies of movies on VHS, DVD, LaserDisc, VCD, etc., are also something I am strongly interested in. I am also deeply drawn to horror comics, video games, novels, novellas, short stories, etc. Probaly more than maybe anything else if I am being totally honest. In my collection of over 1000 physical DVD’s, over 350 of them abslutely fall into the horror camp. I am not even talking about controversial stuff people argue whether counts as horror or not like The Terminator, Jurassic Park or Silence of the Lambs. I mean legit, undisputed horror stuff like the classic Universal Monsters, the 80s slasher icons Freddy, Jason and Michael, obscure stuff like 976-Evil or Lady in White, etc. Yet I also find myself consuming vast quantities of horror TV. Loads of stuff like Stranger Things, Scream, True Blood, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Twilight Zone, Chucky, Ash vs the Evil Dead, American Horror Story, Lovecraft Country, Scream Queens, and loads more. I guess I am far more likely to become deeply commited to a horror TV show than probably any other type of TV except maybe sitcoms. I can’t state enough how much I enjoy sitcoms. I guess that is a topic for another day.

When I look at the things I spend the vast majority of my time, energy and resources on, these things here are the ones that monopolize my life more than all others. Yes these are also extremely connected and related to each other which makes sense as if you like one, it’s not hard to get into the others as they’re so similar in many respects. I guess at the end of the day I am a die hard nerd. I am okay with that.

I’ve played a lot of video games over the years. Like a lot of kids in the 80s, I started out playing arcade games wherever they could be found and an Atari console in the home. Back then the video game console was like the VCR, it was a family appliance, not a toy just one of us kids got to claim ownership over. The first time this changed for me was the day I got a Sega Genesis for my 12th birthday. Like a lot of kids back then, I dug into the trenches and joined the console war on the side of Sega. It wold be another two years before I picked up my first used Super Nintendo. At that time I just had the Sega and the original NES my parents bought for all of us kids one Christmas long ago.

I have played more video games than I could realistically ever count. Seriously if I tried to list every video game I have played, I couldn’t. I know for a fact there are dozens, maybe tens of dozens, of games I just can’t even remember the name of, or whetheer I even played them or not. I’ve always enjoyed video games.

I never really took sides in any console war or other silly debate after the 16-bit era. I got my N64 and PS1 on the exact same day, my 18th birthday. I stood in line in the cold at a Kmart to be the first person in my town to buy a Nintendo Wii. I also, despite sometimes making jokes online, never really preffered consoles over PC or any other silly arguments either. I basically play whatever I can whenever I get the change. I have played games on old vintage computers from the Atari 8-bit line, the Commodore 64, DOS to Windows. I was even one of the first to download extremely primitive moble games on my Samsung flip phone back in the day.  For me, video games are just video games. I don’t care if they are running on a PC, mobile device, arcade machine or a dedicated gaming console. I just love video games.

I would be a fool to say I have owned most video game systems over the years. Sure I have owned the vast majority of the mainstream consoles at one point or another, but I know enough about video game and computer history to know there’s still dozens upon dozens more I have never even seen in person, let alone played.

I have very few video game regrets. I knew what I was getting when I bought a 32X. I was perfectly satisfied with my GameCube and I was one of the few to defend the Wii U. I can honestly say I have more regrets around the game systems I passed on buying than the ones I did buy. I was even happy with the Sega CD and Sega Saturn. Even though I rag on it a lot, and I still harbor ill feelings towards it, I even got a lot of good use out of that Nintendo Wii.

I think there is something special about video games that is hard to put into words sometimes. Sure gamers like to talk about games with good stories but let’s be real, not every game we sink hundreds of hours into even has a story so that’s only one reason we enjoy games so much. I know for me that can be a part but one of my favorite games of all time is Minecraft and frankly that game has basically no built in story.

Sometimes I find myself getting really into a good turn-based JRPG. Other times I want to play a fast-paced action game, run-n-gun or shooter. Sometimes I just wanna get lost in Tetris or passing the time playing Mahjong. I can honestly say if you asked me what types of video games do I enjoy my answer would be pretty much all of them. Sure there are games I can’t get into. Going back to story for a second, probablly my least favorite type of game is the type I refer to as “interactive movies.” I don’t mean those grainy FMV games that clogged up the Sega CD library, I enjoyed those for what they were. I am talking games like The Last of Us where you’re basically playing a movie. I don’t tend to enjoy those too much. That isn’t to say I can’t get deeply engrossed in a good video game story. I was so hooked on Finaly Fantasy 7’s story I have allowed myself to replay that game to 100 percent on multiple occasions across severl different hardwar platforms. I was really drawn to the story in Star Fox Adventures too.  I just don’t need a story to enjoty a video game.

Another aspect of gaming a lot of gamers cite as what draws them to the hobby is the multiplayer aspect. I must admit I was a lot more likely to play multiplayer games back when it was couch local with your close friends. I enjoyed countless hours of multiplayer sessions with friends playing games like Mario Party, Gauntlet, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Super Mario Bros., Doom, Quake, Wii Sports and so many others. Yet, again, for me I kinda stray from the mainstream. While I have enjoyed playing local games in the past with friends. I have learned over the years I just really don’t care for online play. Occassionally I will play an online game with my girlfriend or a close friend who shares my interest, but I have never enjoyed playing competitive online games with strangers, and I know I never will.

I have so many fond memories playing countless games over the years. I find it sometimes difficult to put into words exactly what video games mean to me. I know when I search back into the distant, faded memotries from my early childhood, I think there was a part of it that was the mystique. Back then video games were still fairly new. I was already fascinated with robots and computers and video games go hand in hand with those. I am not 100 percent certain it was my absolute earliest video game experience but the earliest video game memory I can recal is playing Ms. Pac-Man on a cocktail cabinet at a local bar when I was probablly four or five years old. I know I have dusty early childhood memories of playing the Atari 2600, but I can’t quite confirm which experience I had first. Either way I do know  that, for me at least, video games have just always been a part of my life. Even as I am getting into my 40’s I dfon’t see myself ever not playing video games. I know my desire to have the current gen console or latest spec PC to play the hottest new games are over. I also know that as much time as I sink into Minecraft I know it will never become the only game I play.

I don’t feel I have to justify why I like playing video games. I know I enjoy them and that’s more than good enough for me. If someone cares to press the matter I could probably give them some standard stock nerd response about tactile interaction, immersive game play or even great graphics, but honestly I think the truth is I just like video games because I do. I don’t need a reason.