Month: August 2024

I have pretty much always been into horror movies almost more than any other genre. I would say I am actually more into science fiction but then I realize a large percentage of the sci fi flicks I find myself drawn to double as sci fi horror flicks so let’s dig into the main horror franchises and see how I feel about each one.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

It goes without saying the classic horror/fantasy slasher series is top notch for me. It is the linchpin of everything that draws me to horror in the first place. I have said repeatedly the original A Nightmare on Elm Street is my favorite movie of all time. While this remains true I do have to take a step back and look at the franchise as a whole.

I am not going to dig into the individual entries instead take a 50 thousand mile view if that makes sense. Of the 9 films in the franchise as a whole I enjoy more of them than I dislike. In fact there are only 2 I actively despise. That’s a pretty strong franchise percentage all things considered. Even the two I dislike I can still stand to rewatch them more often than I can the lesser entries is other horror franchises so as a series I would rank this as my top horror series.

Franchise grade A+

Friday the 13th

This one is harder to talk about than the Elm Street movies. Partly because I didn’t really have much experience with it growing up. As a kid the only movies I had seen were part 7 edited for TV, parts of part 2 and 3 and Jason Goes to Hell once,  and just references to the rest in pop culture. The first proper Jason film I ever saw start to finish in it’s unedited R rated entirety was Freddy vs. Jason I saw opening day in theaters.

It wasn’t until I was 28 years old before I sat down to watch the entire series start to finish. The first time I watched the first 8 films my reaction was basically I felt like I just watched the same damn movie 8 times. I was cynical partly cuz I had this attitude that Jason just sucked and his movies were never going to live up to the greatness of the Elm Street series. After I finished slogging through the films and got through Jason X I started to re-evaluate the first 8 Paramount Jason flicks. As I began finding a new obsession with the slasher sub genre of the 80s I started to reconsider these as personal favorites. I started re-watching the Crystal Lake Friday’s annually each June. As time has gone on my appreciation and enjoyment of the franchise has grown to the point I now consider myself a Jason fan.

That being said there are a few more entries by the numbers than there are in the Freddy series. Proportionally there are even more Jason films I can’t stomach than there are Freddy so this series is just a small notch below Elm Street.

Franchise grade: A-

Halloween

I really hate talking about this franchise. Gun to my head I would reluctantly admit I am more a fan of the series as a whole than I often let on. Truth be told I find myself enjoying the films enough my issue is not the movies suck, it’s a two fold point of contention for me. Point one is the fact too many people talk about this series as if it’s the pinnacle of slasher horror films, and frankly it’s mid tier at best. While of the 13 movies I will admit I actually enjoy about 6 of them to varying degrees. My beef is the ones I hate the most are the ones the internet seems to hold in high esteem while the ones I enjoy get crapped on the most. This doesn’t always bother me but when you couple it with the fact this franchise seems to keep getting new entries whereas far superior horror franchises keep getting the shaft irks me. If we were getting regularly Freddy and Jason sequels at the same frequency we get new Michael Myers flicks I’d be more open to say okay cool keep it coming. But when the 3rd rate slasher get’s new movies every few years and a A listers get ignored time and time again it just starts to irritate me more and more. I get why people latch on to Halloween, cuz damn it it’s all we got. But it’s just not as good as the other two slasher giants. Are there good entries in the series, yeah and a couple on the same level as the Jason and Freddy counterparts, but as a whole there are far more stinkers than quality flicks and the masses of sheeple seem to prefer the rubbish entries more than I can stand.

Franchise ranking B+

Hellraiser

Here is another 80s horror series beloved among 80s horror fans that I somehow missed out on in the old days. How? This movie was previewed on nearly every single VHS horror tape I rented as a kid so I had anticipation for the film. I just never really took the time to bother seeking it out. Until a few years ago. I was instantly in love with the first film so much I jumped into the franchise with both feet. And it didn’t take long before I regretted doing that. In fact out of the countless sequels I will admit I stop after part 4. That’s as far as I can stomach this series. Mathematically that doesn’t bode well for the series as a whole. And that’s okay because as truly awful as every single film past part 5 is the first 4 are so much better they kinda balance it out.

franchise ranking B-

Child’s Play/Chucky

This one has more in common with Elm Street in my world in more ways than one. First, the similarities to wise cracking Chucky and wise cracking Freddy are undeniable. Then there is the fact I actually watched these as they came out as a kid, just like I did with my beloved Elm Streets. It also has a similarity to the long running never ending Myers series in that Chucky never dies. Unlike the Halloween films Chucky has never had a dud. As a whole the entire franchise has had nothing but enjoyable films. Sure some of the lesser entries aren’t as strong as the better entries but the worst Chucky is still better than most of the Halloweens or Hellraisers so there is that. Whereas I am over Michael Myers and just want that franchise to go the heck away, I am good getting new Chucky content for the foreseeable future.

Franchise ranking A-

Leprechaun

I don’t have as much to say about this one cuz frankly they’re just not good films. While I enjoyed the first two for what they were, that’s where this series ends. Nothing after is even worth mentioning.

franchise ranking D-

Phantasm

I have talked about this one before and the truth is I still can’t decide what to make of them. I really like the imagery and the music, the tone, the pacing, the characters, the monster, the setting pretty much all the parts of each movie. I just can’t get behind the choppy jigsaw puzzle manner in which these films are cobbled together. There is something of a narrative, however it’s beyond convoluted and messy. It’s surreal but also disjointed. All I can say is each film is a sight to behold but if you’re looking for a compelling narrative look elsewhere or else you will find yourself sorely disappointed.

Franchise ranking C+

Scream

I hesitate to talk about this series. Partly because my affinity for the late Wes Craven. Partly because of the recent controversies and partly because I despise meta horror. However I can brush all of that aside and dig into these films for what they are as in the revival of the slasher genre. Beyond that I have nothing else to say. These are quality slashers, and that’s all I need them to be. I don’t grade them based on their social commentary as I tend to disagree with the films criticisms of the genre, so I give it a pass but also just sorta side step it and enjoy the blood bath.

Franchise ranking A-

Texas Chain Saw Massacre

This is a formidable horror franchise worthy of every horror fans devotion. From the pychological thriller of the classic original to the over the top B movie of the sequels to the intense hard core body horror of the remakes and reboots this series as a whole is nothing short of brilliant. Even the so called bad entries are still damn entertaining films. There is not a single dud in the entire series. While I have massive doses of nostalgia and fangirl love for Elm Street, I dare say as a whole this series is slightly stronger as a cohesive franchise despite the constant reimagining of the original story. Each retelling is still a worthy horror film in it’s own right whether you attach them to what came before or let them each stand alone on their own 2 blood soaked feet, this is probably one of the few, dare I saw, perfect horror franchises.

Franchise ranking A+

Living Dead/Return of the Living Dead

I am lumping them all together because both franchises branch off on their own paths using Night of the Living Dead as their starting point. Whereas of the Dead series takes a darker more grounded in reality approach Return takes the absurdity of it to the max. Both franchise branches are equally entertaining in their own respects.

Franchise ranking A-

These are the big names in horror. Sure there are more modern franchises but I would argue none of them have had the lasting impact on pop culture and horror fandom like these classic long running franchises have. Maybe ten years from now I’ll reevaluate the Conjuring, Saw or even Purge series’ but for the time being they’re just too new all things considered to give them a proper analysis at this point in time.

There are a few retail stores that come and go and nobody bats an eye. I will never miss walking into an over priced Sam Goody or a ratty old Blockbuster video. While I understand business is tough and new stores come, and go, all the time there are a few that have fallen into the memories of those from yesteryear that could really use a come back. Here is a list of the five retailers I miss the most.

1.  Kmart

Yeah I know a lot of people like to crap on Kmart but most of those people are short sighted and only remember what the store devolved into in its final years. However before the downfall Kmart was the it place, especially for those on a tighter budget. Not just because they had a surprising good variety back in their heyday but they also had damn good deals. If it wasn’t the Blue Light Special or the Price Matching their competition it was their lay a way program that really make it worth it. For a small weekly payment you could set aside a full shopping cart of dope stuff and just pay it off little by little. When Target and Walmart got rid of Layaway I dug my heels and and basically became a die hard Kmart loyalist until the very end. 

2. Radio Shack

Again I won’t cry any tears for losing what it became near the end but I have nothing but warm fuzzies when I remember how awesome it was back in the day. Back in the 90s, before the rise of Best Buy Radio Shack was the place to get electronics. I don’t just mean VCRs and computers but I mean components, wires, cables even transistors and things of the like. No matter what you wanted to do with home audio, home theater or video games you could find the tools you needed at Radio Shack. Once upon a time they actually hired knowledgeable reps who actually knew their stuff. If you had a question about electronics they had an answer. 

3. Hastings

I have ranted about this before and I will bring it up again and again but there has never been a store like Hastings was, again, before the downfall. Back in the 90s it was THE best video rental store, but it was also THE best used CD store, comic book shop, music instrument store, action figure and collectible store and so much more. Then the higher ups decided to close down the mega stores and move them into malls then they transformed them into crowded Hot Topic clones. Of course that was the end of them as a company but man in the old days they were the place to be. 

4. Kings

This one is older and more obscure. They had their heyday before I was born but there were a few stragglers limping along well into the late 2010s. They were like an inbetween a Dollar General and a Kmart. Not as big or varied as a full Kmart but bigger and better quality stuff than a dollar store. What was their strong point was how they bought their products from over crowded warehouses which often gave them access to products that other stores had clearanced and moved on. You could walk into a Kings in the early 2000s and find action figures and video games that were sitting on selves since the late 80s! I could regularly buy vintage, sealed, Star Wars, He-man or even Transformers toys that had long been out of stock and relegated to ebay. It was a magical time capsule that I will miss for many more years. 

5. K B Toys

I know most hipsters online will cry and scream about Toys R Us but the truth is those giant box stores only existed in big cities whereas KB was everywhere else. If you lived in a smaller city with a decent sized shopping mall chances are you had a KB instead of a Toys R Us. KB was smaller and higher priced then the department stores but they made up for it in variety. While Kmart, Walmart and the like would have the popular figures in a toy line or the mainstream best selling video games, KB had the lesser known stuff. While you could get Bumble Bee or Duke at any box store that sold toys, if you wanted a lesser known Transformer like Skullgrin or a Ninja Turtle like Panda Kahn that the big stores got in limited quantities, KB would have a whole shelf of them. Same for video games. Yeah if you wanted Sonic, Mario or Mortal Kombat you went to Walmart. But if you wanted to find something lesser known like Musha or Demon’s Crest you turned to KB toys. They had everything. I was more than willing to pay a few extra bucks to save myself the trouble of driving 3 hours to the Giraffe store.