Month: June 2023

I don’t like being labeled a “transwoman.” I am trans, but it isn’t who I am. It isn’t all I am. I wanna provide an opportunity for people to get to know me deeper. I didn’t even begin to guess I was trans, or that I wanted to be girl anyways, until 1st grade. I was 7 years old. By that time I already had firmly held interests in things such as space, dinosaurs, computers, toys, video games, comic books, fantasy, magic, horror and Star Wars. Let me break my interests down one by one with what it means to me and why it’s important for me to share my interests with others.

Let’s start with Star Wars. I developed an interest in this early one. Believe it or not I didn’t watch the original trilogy in release order. I would often rent Star Wars, as it was called back then, from the video store. I had Return of the Jedi, as it was called back then, on VHS recorded off HBO. I grew up with that as my exposure to Star Wars lore. I also had some of the story books and a few of the toys. It wasn’t until around the mid 90s when Power of the Force came back that I really began getting into Star Wars toys. By that time I was able to record The Empire Strikes Back onto a VHS tape, commercials and all. I also started reading some of the novels. By the time I was 17 I had read every published Star Wars novel released up to that point. I stopped reading when the New Jedi Order became a thing. I never got into that.

I also played Star Wars video games on my game consoles. I had Return of the Jedi Death Star Battle on Atari 2600. I rented Star Wars on NES and Empire Strikes Back on NES. A friend of mine let me pay Star Wars on his Sega Game Gear on the bus ride to school. My first time watching any Star Wars in the theater was the Special Edition re-releases in 1997. I was ecstatic to have the chance to see it fresh with a new coat of paint. I instantly fell in love with the Special Editions making them my preferred method of viewing the Original Trilogy.

I was obsessed with Star Wars at a time when most of my peers thought of it as this old movie only nerds still liked. When I was in second grade I stayed after school animated, using manual bit mapping line, by line in BASIC code, a rendition of the Death Star. I will always cherish my childhood Star Wars memories. I even would regularly “play” Star Wars with my friends and even my sisters. It was a very big deal to me.

Now let’s talk stars. I became interested in astronomy probably out of my love of Star Wars itself. I would read every single astronomy book I could get my hands on. I even would beg the librarian to let me check out books beyond my supposed reading level. Some librarians made me take a reading test on the computer to measure my reading level but I was happy to take the test if it meant getting new star books. I was very young when I knew who Isaac Asimov was. I quickly learned if his name was on a book I would enjoy it. By the time I got to college I took a 100 level astronomy course to fulfill my science requirement. I loved going to the observatory. I remain obsessed with space even to this day.

What about horror you ask? Believe it or not I was thoroughly interested into horror by the time I was in 1st grade. I would often beg my parents to let me rent “scary movies” from the video store. I didn’t limit myself to kids movies either. I would regularly rent things like 976-EVIL, Poltergeist, The Amityville Horror, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Sometimes They Come Back, Child’s Play, The Thing, Invaders From Mars, Killer Klowns From OuterSpace, and so many more. My parents didn’t care what movies I rented. It didn’t take long before the slasher genre became my favorite sub genre of horror with A Nightmare on Elm Street elevated to status of my favorite movie of all time. I even played the crap out of the NES Elm Street video game. I was obsessed with Freddy Krueger. I remain so to this day.

How about toys? Well all kids play with toys. I was no exception. The difference is I kept buying Transformers, as collectibles, well into my 20s. By the time I was 30 I found I wanted more than just re-buying the old toys from my childhood. I fell in love with all toys of all shapes and for all ages. Today my interests span from action figures, Barbie, GI Joe, super heroes, TMNT, Star Wars, video game characters, comic book characters, cartoon characters Funko Pops, Care Bears, Rainbow Brite, Hot Wheels, Legos, Matchbox and more. I even have Nerf guns and a few odds and ends like Light Bright, Rubick’s Cube, and others. I love toys. It is a special interest of mine.

Much like how I was fascinated by astronomy I was also deeply invested in paleontology too. I loved dinosaurs. I spent as much time reading about them as I did star books. I even had toy dinos. I was beyond excited when Jurassic Park came out. I read the book ahead of release to be prepared. I watched The Flintstones, Denver the Last Dinosaur, The Land Before Time and the Jim Henson Dinosaurs. I also bought dinobots Transformers. Unlike most of my childhood interests, however, I eventually did lose interest in dinosaurs. Not that I have a problem with science or anything it’s just they kept changing what I thought I knew and I got tired of trying to keep up with it all. I still call it Brontosaurus and nobody is going to change my mind on that.

I was interested in computers before I was even old enough to know what a computer even was. I was just fascinated by the technology. These little boxes you interacted with. I didn’t even care what they were used for I just wanted to use one. I played with a lot of computers over the years. My first was an Atari 800XL. I loved that thing to death. I didn’t care it didn’t “do much” I was just happy to play around with it.

Fantasy and magic go hand in hand. I was interested in both before I had words. I loved swords and sorcery. I loved magicians and wizards, elves, gnomes, unicorns, etc., I was deeply fascinated by all things fantasy, fairy tale, mythology and witchcraft. I was obsessed with this stuff to the point my first religious experiences or spiritual experience was witchcraft. When I learned there was a fantasy game called Dungeons and Dragons I couldn’t wait to get some dice, read the books and play with my friends. Let me just say I have been playing ever since and likely nothing will deter me from playing even well into my old age.

My first video game console was a knock off Atari clone. It was a Coleco Gemini that played Atari 2600 games. No it was NOT a Colecovision with an adaptor it was a dedicated clone console. It had it’s own style controller too. True story. When I was in kindergarten they forced me to stop using my left hand to instead use my right hand. I was already clumsy so this caused a deficiency in my fine motor skills. As a result I was put into physical therapy and special education. I was told, by my therapist, I needed to play more video games to improve my hand-eye coordination. So my parents bought us a Nintendo Entertainment System. While I did have to technically share it with my sisters, my parents let me keep it in my own bedroom hooked up to my own TV. If they wanted to play I had to let them into my room. Which I usually did anyways because I liked taking turns with my sisters. I continue to be fascinated with video games to this day.

I can’t tell you what my first comic book was or when I read it. In my memories comic books were always just there. I think I learned how to read by flipping through the pages of Batman, Ritchie Rich, Looney Tunes, Superman, X-Men, Spider-Man, Transformers, Casper, and so many other comics. I never “collected” comics. I bought them to read. To this day I read comic books all the time. I have over 200 individual titles and more than 2 dozen trade paperbacks.

These are just some of the things I am deeply interested in. If you want to get to know me or plan on having a conversation with me it is often best to pick from one of these topics of interest.

I’ve been playing Dungeons and Dragons since the early 90s. I started with 2nd Edition AD&D. I migrated from 2E through 5E every step of the way, yes even investing in the dreaded 4th Edition. I always got excited for a new ruleset. Why? Because the rules were constantly evolving. The game was constantly improving to meet the needs of the players. But that changed with One D&D. Let me explain.

Going all the way back to the earliest days of D&D the original pamphlets were a continuation of existing miniature war games that already had an established player base. The concept of what we call a role playing game today didn’t exist yet. It was a table top miniature war game, shrunken down to one-on-one scale where a player would control a single solider rather than entire armies. But the core mechanics were largely the same. D&D was born out of table top war gaming. The thing is, it has evolved to the point where it no longer bears any resemblance to those early days. Why? Because it’s no longer an extension, or expansion, of a war game, it’s evolved into it’s own beast, a role playing game. The first of its kind.

TSR spent every updated edition shedding the vestiges of the war gaming origins as time went on. Then they went bankrupt. Wizards of the Coats bought up the rights and published 3rd Edition, the first using the now standard d20 system. WOTC made sure 3rd edition still felt like D&D but continued to shed more of the war gaming origins left over from the old days.

Fast forward to One D&D. Fifth Edition was literally conceived and marketed as “the last edition” of the game. A culmination of everything that came before. All remaining elements from its war gaming days were long gone. The game was designed, from the ground up, to be the perfect RPG experience. It was expandable to allow for growth and accommodate new players through the use of rule supplements and modules. The game was supposed to be the final version hence why it is just called Dungeons and Dragons, not technically 5th edition. We the fans gave it that moniker. So what about One D&D?

Hasbro bought Wizards of the Coast. While D&D was always a business product Hasbro has been itching to monetize the game in new ways ever since they took over. For them it isn’t about developing the perfect gaming system. It’s about selling more product. They don’t wanna thrive on just modules and expansions alone, they wanna re-sell the three core rule books again with fresh, new modules, new expansions and new digital features to bring in new revenue. It’s that virtual table top that has me the most skeptical of One D&D.

Let me explain. There already exist virtual table tops that players can customize for their game depending on the ruleset they desire to use. These, of course, are third party apps that Hasbro cannot make money off. So greed has taken over and they are trying to develop a game with digital first as it’s selling point. They promised there will still be physical books to purchase but they are really pushing digital. Why? Because of microtransactions. See Hasbro does not manufacture miniature figures or dungeon sets to bring scale to your D&D campaign. Third parties do and Hasbro licenses them the right to brand such products as compatible with D&D but they don’t make a lot of money off those products. However if Hasbro can sell you virtual miniatures, a virtual table top, digital books, virtual skins for your virtual minis and virtual set pieces for your dungeons then they stand to make a whole hell of a lot more money. By integrating the virtual table top into the core game they are effectively trying to force gamers to buy into the new digital eco system. This would render existing minis obsolete and put 3rd party virtual table tops out of business as the core players would flock to the “official” product to support the game.

The thing is we don’t need new core rule books nor do we need an updated ruleset to launch a virtual marketplace, they can launce One D&D as-is completely compatible with existing modules and expansions, effectively keeping their promise of making 5th Edition the “last” rule set they ever publish. Now they claim, haphazardly, that One D&D will technically be “backwards compatible” with existing 5E products. If that is the case then why do we even need One D&D in the first place? Why not just launch the damn digital marketplace for those who want it, integrating it with the existing products as promised and let the established player base continue to purchase products in the edition that was promised to be the last. We don’t need a new edition. We need continued support from a company that is itching to break its promises in the name of microtransactions.

I have a confession I need to atone for. In 2016, when I was still deeply in the closet and in denial living as a red-state self-hating Christian, I made the mistake of voting for Donald J. Trump for president over Hillary Clinton. Looking back on it, in light of new evidence and based on my reasoning at the time, I do not regret my decision. Let me explain.

Trump is facing multiple indictments, some at the state level, some at the federal level and he is facing serious charges in all cases regardless of classification of his crimes. But the most damning is espionage. He mishandled, to put it lightly, classified information regarding our military secrets. For that he absolutely deserves to rot in prison. But here me out. That is the very reason WHY I didn’t trust Mrs. Clinton. I didn’t trust she could handle classified documents based on her mishandling of her missing emails. Now here is the difference. She lost classified documents and was found to not have committed any crimes. Trump STOLE documents, HID them, LIED about having them, coerced OTHERS to lie on his behalf and tried to COVER it up with more lies. He broke multiple laws.

Do I defend the Trump presidency? No I do not. I lived as a journalist working in Red State Texas during his presidency. He made the general public hate, despise and mistrust news reporters. He made my professional life a living hell. I am a trans woman. He made my personal life in danger. He also put other members of my beloved rainbow community in danger. Not to mention how he handled COVID-19.

Knowing what I know now if I could go back in time I would have told myself to vote for Hillary. After all I voted for Obama before her. But I couldn’t, as a patriotic law and order loving American, entrust a woman who put our national security at risk by losing classified documents. Today I stand here facing a new conundrum. Trump didn’t mishandle documents, he out right committed treason. There is the difference. Was Hillary right about Trump? Yes but all things considered that was a deal breaker for me. I couldn’t trust her. I wish I could atone for my sins but the fact remains the damage is done. I did what I did based on my love for this country. She couldn’t be trusted. Little did I know neither could he.

I’m not that nervous about moving back home to Twin Falls. It’s the city of my birth. I grew up there. Often times I even miss it to the point I have dreams of being back there all the time. So why am I so nervous about going back?

I left Idaho to get an education. I studied journalism at the University of Nebraska at Kearney. From there I began a career in the news media business. I worked at three different TV stations, two magazines and five different newspapers. I was a journalist in North Central Texas for nearly seven years. Then COVID-19 happened and the news industry got rid of thousands of jobs, including my own. Then I came out trans and the entire state of Texas turned its back on me. I struggled for 2 years to make it in Dallas but I failed. Now I am going back home to recalibrate.

I grew up in Twin Falls. I have countless fond memories of that small city in the Idaho dessert. I proposed to my girlfriend at the time while living on the outskirts of town. I shopped at the Magic Valley Mall. I worked at the K-Mart down the street. A K-Mart that is no longer there I might add. I cruised the city streets on a Friday night with my friends when we had nothing better to do. There is a part of me that misses it.

Then there’s the part of me that dreads going back. I never could make it in Twin Falls. Sure I was job hunting there one, during a downturn in the economy and two as a high school drop out. Of course the employers weren’t interested in hiring me. I had a really spotty resume back then too. It was full of holes. Now I have a rock solid resume with experience and top notch references. I have experience in multiple fields. I am ready to go back not defeated by Texas but ready to conquer southern Idaho.

I am not looking forward to being back in Mormon country though. However as a pagan witch I know how to fend off their advances. I won’t succumb to their willy ways. I have to be cautious in that regard. I can’t let on to potential employers that I am a pagan nor that I am a transwoman. I have to keep all of that to myself. One positive though is I actually still have a few friends there, many of whom are supportive of my decision to transition. I fully intend to get plugged into the local Pride community as well. I will bring my camera to the Pride events and interview the organizers for my web series, The Trans Station, which I fully intend on reviving once I am settled in.

Another good thing I got going for me is I will be living with a friend who is also family. My sister in fact. She will take care of me. Not only is she offering me a home but she is going to protect me from the evil Republicans with her wit and charm. I only have to seek out part time employment which will give me the extra free time to pursue my video projects and writing full time on the side.

Boise, a fairly good sized city, is only a short 3 hour drive away. I have quite a few friends there too. I am hyping myself up for this big move because for once I am not moving to a strange place. I am just going back home where I belong.

I love movies. I mostly love horror and science fiction movies but I love all types of movies. I decided sit down and compile a list of the ten greatest films ever made. This list represents the best of the best. The ten films that define cinema as an artform. The ten films that each stood the test of time, some becoming instant classics in their own right. Each with a lasting legacy that transcends the art of cinema. Here are the ten greatest films of all time starting with number 10.

10. Titanic

A love story for the ages. While I personally despise this motion picture I cannot overstate the impact it had on our society as a whole. This movie took what was a boring love story and wrapped it up in a scathing indictment of Capitalism. And it worked wonderfully.

9. Captain America The Winter Soldier

Easily the greatest superhero/comic book movie ever made. This is more than your typical superhero fights the bad guy flick. This is a worrisome cautionary tale dressed up in a political thriller based on things happening in the real world exaggerated to the tenth degree for effect.

8. Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade

The best Indiana Jones bar none and a damn fine action/adventure movie. Indiana Jones is the template for how to make a good adventure film. This movie dials it up to ten and throws the playbook out the window.

7. Dumb and Dumber

The greatest comedy of all time. A road trip for the ages staring a comedy genius an a solid sidekick. If you only see one comedy in your life make it this one.

6. Jurassic Park

The king of dinosaur films. This movie changed the way Hollywood make motion pictures. The special effects in this movie made you believe the filmmakers really did bring dinosaurs back to life. A thrilling hunt, a daring adventure and a fantastic cast make this a must see for every generation.

5. The Matrix

Forget about the nonsense that it’s just a retelling of the Terminator story and look past the transgender allegory and what you have is the greatest solid action/science fiction genre film to ever grace the silver screen. This movie has so many layers it would take film students with Masters Degrees decades to fully analyze it.

4. The Exorcist

You knew, coming from me, there was going to be a horror movie on this list. Good thing it’s the best horror movie to ever scare up audiences. It’s also one of the scariest movies ever made. This movie takes a religious fairytale and makes a believer out of the most staunch skeptic. This movie is intense and if you love horror you need to see this movie.

3. Back to the Future

A time trave tale for the ages. A comedy. A science fiction fantasy. An action/adventure flick with great action sequences. A compelling yet heartfelt story and an all-star cast. A classic in it’s own right and by far one of the greatest films ever made.

2. Ghostbusters

Who you Gonna Call? The masters of comedy weave a work of art using every tool in their toolbox. A beautifully told sci-fi horror story that has a big heart. A story about 3 outcasts chasing the American dream in a unique fashion while simultaneously cracking the code on the greatest mysteries of all time, what happens after death. A timeless classic and well worth multiple viewings.

1. Star Wars

Easily the greatest film ever made. It launched a billion dollar franchise while simultaneously revolutionizing filmmaking all while stretching the imaginations of movie goers everywhere of all ages and all walks of life. It’s not a genre film. It’s not a science fiction film. It’s just the greatest film to ever dazzle audiences.